It’s Really Not You, It’s Them.
I’m not talking exclusively about relationships. I’m referring to the naysayers, judgmental individuals and the people who make it their mission to BRING YOU DOWN.
The times when you’re really excited about something and someone makes an attempt to burst your bubble. The people that push your buttons, tell you you’re not good enough or try to make you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing, you’re just a screw up.
It’s not you, it’s them.
YOU are a capable, brilliant and amazing individual and that scares “them.” It makes them uncomfortable that you could potentially surpass what they’ve created in their own life. That you could create something they want, but are too afraid to realize for themselves. And if you can do it in your life, they might be expected to get off their butts and do it too, no more excuses.
They are TERRIFIED by your brilliance, but rather than use those feelings as motivation to do and be more in their own life, they work to bring you down. Why? Because it’s easier and less work.
It also makes them feel better, temporarily, to see you feel worse.
As you can see, it’s REALLY not you. It’s them.
And that’s really all you have to know.
Okay, and I wrote you these four simple steps to deal with it…
1. Identify “them.”
Sometimes these people can be subtle by saying or doing just enough to bring you down, but not enough to make it obvious. This can be partly because they don’t realize it, or because they’re doing their best to hold it back. Either way, it’s important to know who THEY are.
Whether blatantly obvious or subtle, these people are TOXIC to your life and success. They are attempting to bring you down, deflate you, drain your energy or sabotage your success.
Take a good hard look at the people in your life and get honest with yourself.
WHO leaves you feeling like less than you are? Who makes you feel like you’re not good enough, your ideas aren’t possible or like you have no idea what you’re talking about?
2. Send them light and love.
Knowing that it’s not you can help shed new light on the situation. These people have lost, abandoned or forgotten dreams… they’re stressed out, angry or depressed. No, this doesn’t give them any right to bring you down, but it does explain why they may be doing it. Or, they could just be mean.
Either way, send them light and love. Don’t build up resentments or hold grudges. Don’t try to bring them down and don’t try to pick a fight with them. Just know that there is pain or suffering that causes them to act the way they do, and that isn’t energy you want to get tangled up with.
Forgive them, wish them the best and love them, but from a distance.
3. Let it go.
I’ve said it many times, there is absolutely nothing in this world worthy of a grudge. Once you realize that these people have their own issues and that it’s not about you, you need to let it go.
Shake it off. Pound the pavement. Write in your journal. Just let it go!
If you dwell on what they say or do, you’re allowing them control over your life and emotions. Take ownership of the situation by creating an energy barrier. Nothing this person says or does to you can have any effect on your life unless you let it. So DON’T LET IT.
4. Surround yourself with love and support!
It’s so important to find people that love and support you unconditionally.
People that understand what you’re trying to create in your life and would never do a single thing to discourage you. These people are solid and secure in who they are and their own lives, and probably have a lot of great, inspiring things going for them.
When you surround yourself with passionate, positive and inspired individuals, there is no where to go but UP. These people are possibility thinkers, idea generators and LOVE to give and receive support.
For every toxic person you eliminate from your life, try to find one or two loving and supportive individuals to take their place. This may be through a networking group, meetup, educational class or mastermind.
Take Action Now!
- Make a list of all the people in your life that leave you feeling drained, bummed out or stressed. These may be neighbors, family, “friends,” or co-workers and colleagues. The people on this list no longer get to share in your successes, day-to-day life or other… at the very least, they get limited access to you.
- Take a moment to send loving, healing and forgiving thoughts to every single person on your list. Wish them only the best, forgive their negativity and send them positive energy.
- Take your list and burn or trash it. Move on with your life!
Leave a comment below letting me know how many negative individuals you’ve identified in your life and one action step you’re going to take to replace them with positive people!
Are you ready to make MASSIVE positive shifts in your life? If you want to experience unshakable joy, passion and fulfillment in your life, then you need to be on my mailing list NOW. February 7th marks the release of my new program, Foundations for Unshakable Joy™, and there will be some pretty sweet early-bird offers for my list. Subscribe below!
Yes, I want to experience UNSHAKABLE JOY!
The Other Night I Cried My Eyes Out
I know that you may be thinking… “no, not YOU. The one who’s always talking about a positive mindset, unshakable joy and living a life around your passion.” But it’s true.
The other night I cried my eyes out.
You see, the thing about living a life centered around joy, passion and fulfillment, is that it involves tears. It involves pain and suffering because like you, I’m human. Suffering in this life is unavoidable.
Despite living a life I LOVE, doing work that LIGHTS UP MY SOUL, I still get punched in the gut from time to time… I still feel sadness, I still feel frustration.
The difference is that I accept it into my life with open arms, because if there’s anything I’ve learned from my time on this earth is that pain, suffering and sadness truly push you to grow. They force you to be introspective, to explore your natural human emotions and to see what’s not working. To question life, the people that are in it and the work that you’re doing.
The difference between me NOW and me then? I embrace it. I welcome it. I FEEL it.
And I move on from it.
I’m a very deep and reflective person, and that makes me more susceptible to a wide range of emotions at any given time. Whether you’re willing to admit it or not, I’d venture to guess that there’s a very vulnerable and sensitive soul buried beneath the tough, strong or professional masks that you wear every day.
This front that you put out to the world… the one that says “I never cry. I’m not sensitive. I’m not emotional.” It doesn’t SERVE YOU, because you ARE sensitive and you ARE emotional… you’re human. And all humans cry.
Resisting your feelings and emotions DOES NOT serve you!
It leads to stress, sickness, disease, broken relationships, fits of rage and bouts of deep, dark depression. Anyone who’s experienced any of the above knows that these are simply no good… and when you’re in the habit of NOT DEALING, it’s near impossible to escape.
Being the emotional beings that we are, we’re prone to a wide variety of feelings. When you can learn to just accept them as what they are… a temporary experience or reaction, then you’re no longer captive to them.
You don’t get depressed. You don’t hold grudges. You don’t stuff your feelings deep down until your stomach starts bleeding and you break out in hives.
You feel them. You tend to your needs in that moment. You process. You release.
AND? You are capable of living a life of UNSHAKABLE JOY. Because when you get punched in the gut, hurt or simply feel a little off, you have the tools to bounce back (if you even fall down).
How to Accept, Deal With and RELEASE Your Emotions
Let. It. OUT.
Do not let a single thing fester, ever.
If someone is cruel to you, makes you angry, does something hurtful or crosses boundaries, let them know. Write about it in your journal. Vent to your friends and family. Scream into a pillow.
If a situation brings up emotions for you, express them. Let people know that you’re not feeling it and why. Honor yourself and your emotions. Respond accordingly.
Know the difference between expressing and dwelling.
Expressing is outing your feelings or emotions.
It’s telling the world, the people around you, or even yourself that, hey, I’m FEELING THIS RIGHT NOW. AND IT’S OKAY. It’s recognition and release in one fell swoop.
Dwelling on the other hand, that is rehashing, allowing emotions to fester, bringing up the past over and over again and happily forming a grudge. Grudges simply do not serve ANYONE. They don’t make amends for the harm done to you and they don’t make you feel anything but AWFUL. Don’t go there.
There is NOTHING in this worthy of holding a grudge or harboring negative feelings. Think about it… is there anything that someone’s done to you that’s worth giving up your life for? Getting a disease or losing everything over? No.
Stop being so prideful.
I don’t care if you’re running a successful company, have a rep for being the “coolest” one on the block or if you’re a guy, get over yourself. You’re a human being and we are all designed to feel anger, sadness and everything in between. We ALL cry and anyone who claims otherwise is either a liar or a major fester-pot of pent up emotions.
If you are sad, cry. If you are angry, scream. If you are happy, laugh.
It’s natural, it’s what you’re feeling, so be human and just go with it.
Let it GO!
In the same vein as not dwelling, you have to let these feelings pass naturally. If you feel sadness… cry. But when you’re done (and you will know that natural point at which it’s passed), stop.
Don’t encourage the emotion to linger through sad songs, depressing movies or the like. Don’t remind yourself over and over why you started crying in the first place… just let it run it’s course and pass naturally.
And you do know that point… that moment when you just finally stop crying, the anger subsides or the frustration breaks. Make the conscious choice to leave it at that or to take healthy, positive measure to push through it.
Go for a walk, talk to a good friend, read a good book. Don’t AVOID! But do take steps to push through it when you’ve spend the necessary time feeling and processing.
Take Action Now!
Think of the last time you avoided or ignored your emotions. How did that feel? How did your body physically respond? Is there anything you’re holding onto right now that you would be better off processing and releasing?
Share with me one way you’ll commit to honoring, processing and releasing your emotions.
Did someone say UNSHAKABLE JOY? Oh, it was me. :) If you want to experience unshakable joy, passion and fulfillment in your life, then you need to be on my mailing list NOW. February 7th marks the release of my new program, Foundations for Unshakable Joy, and there will be some pretty sweet early-bird offers for my list. Subscribe below!
Yes, I want to experience UNSHAKABLE JOY!
What is Confidence, REALLY?
Do you ever wonder what it is about some people that makes them so confident? So completely comfortable in their skin and radiating such positive, charismatic energy? I used to wonder this too. And then I learned that confidence really comes down to one INCREDIBLY SIMPLE thing.
Owning it.
When you’re “owning it,” it means that you’re totally and completely at peace with WHO YOU ARE in every moment, interaction and experience. You make no apologies for being awkward, nervous, excited, loud, soft spoken or other… you’re just you.
You radiate charismatic energy whether or not you have an extroverted personality because you are genuinely CONTENT with yourself and your present experience.
I know, I know… this is easier said than done. But today I’m going to share with you some simple tips, tricks and adjustments you can make to appear (more importantly FEEL) confident no matter what.
How to own it and be totally confident, all of the time.
1) Get out of your head!
When you stop engaging in the present moment and begin to THINK about how you look, sound, feel, smell, etc. you’re creating an immediate disconnect. Whether you’re disconnecting from a conversation or general experience, the effect is the same: you immediately lose confidence.
This loss of confidence creates an energetic wave that is felt by EVERYONE in the same room, interacting with you or listening to you speak.
It took me some time to understand this concept myself, but it’s amazing how someone else’s perception of, and connection to you can change the instant that you disengage with the present moment and go into your head. It makes it harder for them to connect to your message or to you, leaving them uncertain and uninterested.
The trick to living in the present moment is CONSTANT practice. When you catch yourself engaging in a viscous thought cycle rather than the present moment (or the person you’re with), use your senses to gently guide you back. Speak, take in the smells, notice the textures that you can feel.
People that appear totally cool and collected, they are 100% engaged in the present moment.
2) Own it. Whatever “it” is.
The second way to create instant and unshakable confidence is to totally OWN it. Whether it’s your opinions, emotions, feelings, words or choice of dessert, just own it. Don’t give a single thought to what anyone else would think of what you’re doing.
You’re you, you want what you want and you do what you do.
No apologies. No explanation. Just own it.
This concept is easy to grasp in terms of ordering whatever you want off the menu or picking a movie, but what about your feelings, emotions and experiences?
For the longest time I struggled to own my personality, my view of the world, my way of thinking and my feelings. Not only did I lack confidence, I was stressed, uncomfortable and completely miserable trying to “fit in” with the rest of the world.
I can tell you from experience, it’s a waste of precious time and energy.
If you’re feeling sad or moody, just own it. Be sad, be moody. Are you nervous as hell? OWN IT. Tell everyone that you’re nervous as hell! It stops the process of entering your head dead in it’s tracks.
Before I was practicing the art of owning it, I used to get EXTREMELY nervous going to networking events, especially the ones where you have to introduce yourself! There were so many times that I was so lost in my head and fighting my feelings that when I sat back down after introducing myself, I honestly couldn’t remember if I said my name right. So instead of pretending that I was anything less than I was in that moment, I just told people, “I’m not very good at this ‘speaking in front of people thing’ so just bare with me!”
You know what I got? Smiles, applause and REAL CONNECTION to everyone in the room instead of the typical glazed over stares and uninterested faces. I showed them I was a real person the second that I chose to own my feelings. Being totally okay with whatever emotions, sensations or feelings you’re experiencing in ANY given moment results in the appearance of TOTAL confidence.
It also allows you to out your feelings which weakens their power over you and allows you to just “party with them” as my mentor Josh Pais says.
Ever heard someone do what I just described? Say that they’re nervous and not good at public speaking, yet they make it look so easy that you think they’re lying? They’re owning it, and THAT is what gives them the confidence that you see.
3) Just. Be. You.
This is similar to the last step, but hear me out. When you honor who you really are, you will do things like wear the clothes that you really love… this in turn makes you feel COMFORTABLE, and that produces confidence.
Have you ever dressed up in a fancy suit or some clothes that aren’t your normal style? Did you feel uncomfortable the entire time? I bet you did. That triggers your mind to run wild with thoughts that do nothing but zap your confidence and make you feel like crap.
By honoring who you are and what you truly prefer in life, you’re creating an environment for confidence. You’re allowing yourself to be comfortable and express yourself. In turn, you ATTRACT the right people, opportunities and more into your life. When the right people and opportunities come along, you feel CONFIDENT because things are EASY. They work for you and your personality.
Don’t ever pretend to be someone or something you’re not! Just be you. You are amazing. You are unique. You will be so much happier and more confident when you just settle into who you are.
Take Action Now!
Leave a comment below letting me know the last time you felt totally comfortable and confident. What were you doing? Who were you with? Can you identify any of these steps at play? I would love to hear your own personal experiences with confidence (or lack thereof)!
Pssst! Need an instant confidence boost? How about getting clear on exactly what you want out of life and creating an easy-to-implement action plan, based on YOUR life, preferences and needs, to make it happen FAST? My program, Foundations for Unshakable Joy, is launching on February 7th and will give you all that and SO MUCH MORE!
Subscribe to my list now and receive a special discount when it launches.
Do You Hate Your Job but Gotta Pay the Bills?
I hear you.
I know exactly what it feels like to be stuck in a job that makes you feel like your life is going nowhere.
The very worst part is when you cross the line between “I can do this for a little while” and “OMG I can’t take another painful day at this place!” Suddenly getting out of bed becomes near impossible and you feel so drained at the end of the day that there’s no energy left for anything else… especially looking for a job that fulfills you and leaves you excited for more (what? that’s possible? YES).
So what do you do?
Not to worry, as an experienced job hater (I worked MANY jobs before launching a fulfilling career working for myself), I have some simple tips and tricks to help your days become more enjoyable, leaving you with the energy to manifest the perfect position (or career) into your life.
How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything
The concept behind this one is that you need to go pro in your life. What does going pro mean? It means that you treat every aspect of your life, and day, like it’s your profession and you’re #1 in that field.
When you wake up in the morning, you brush your teeth like a professional tooth brusher. When you prepare your breakfast, you do it with the care and attention to detail that you would if you were going to serve it to a customer at a restaurant. When you get dressed, you get dressed like being totally put together and attractive is your JOB.
And when you show up to work? You show up as a pro. You do the best work that you can, with a positive attitude and a smile on your face. Why? Because how you do anything is truly how you do everything. You want to be in a positive state of mind, giving your absolute best and ready to take on any challenges when that perfect opportunity shows up.
I promise that if you take just one day and go pro, you’re going to feel energized and amazing a the end of it! You’ll feel as if you’ve made a difference, done significant work and looked your best while doing it. And when you make it a habit? That’s when synchronicity and miracles begin to happen.
Practice Gratitude All Day Long
Get yourself a little pocket notebook and pen that you can keep with you all day. When something happens at your job that frustrates you, take it out and write down 3 things you’re grateful for about this experience. I know it sounds impossible, but do your best.
For example, if you’re in customer service and you encounter an impossible to deal with customer who makes you stressed out and ready to quit, bust out the notebook. One positive thing could be grateful for is that he had been chewing gum and at least he wasn’t blasting you with garlic breath while yelling. Or, maybe you liked his sweater and he was generally well dressed. It doesn’t matter, the point is to find three positive things about the situation.
A negative mindset spells dead end in your life. Don’t go there! Be grateful that you have a job and can pay your bills. Practice gratitude in each moment that you can and you will soon find that more and more truly positive experiences and opportunities are arriving in your life.
Do One Thing That Moves You Towards Your Dream Career Each Day
Whether you’re still in school, trying to land a dream gig or trying to start a business, do one simple thing that will move you forward each day. Get online and send an email to someone that you want to connect with. Update your resume, research ways that you can get your foot in the door in your market, work on your vision board or network through social media.
The act of taking one small action will help you feel like you’re moving, because YOU ARE! Don’t let the fact that you’re working at a job you hate keep you from taking action. Make a list of little things you can do to move forward and start doing them every day!
And if you’re one of the LUCKY ones to have a day job with downtime, utilize it! Do research, take an online course, network on Twitter or Facebook. This will also eliminate that painful feeling of being “stuck” that jobs often create.
TRUST That This IS Temporary
Sometimes we have to detour from our field or chosen path. It happens to the best of us and you’re not any less of a person or talent because of it. This job IS temporary. Trust that! So long as you put into practice the tools I’ve laid out above, this job will become less painful for you and you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Take Action Now!
Tell me three things that you’re grateful for about your day job.
They can be ANYTHING. And those of you that are past the dreaded day job phase, share your tips and insights in the comments below! I know I would love to hear your own experiences and advice! xo
Also, I’m getting ready to launch Foundations for Unshakable Joy in February! This program will help you discover what it is you TRULY want out of life, as well as create a step-by-step action plan to achieve it, FAST!
Subscribe to my list now and receive a special discount when it launches.
How to be 100% Prepared to Make 2012 Your BEST Year Ever
As another year comes to a close, this is a natural time to do some reflecting and planing. I personally take myself through an “annual review” in which I take an audit of where I’m at in my life, what I accomplished, what I didn’t accomplish and begin to create plans and systems for the year ahead. I originally heard of this concept from Chris over at Art of Non-Conformity and have since adapted it to my own personal process.
I think this is an essential step that most people bypass.
They dive straight into resolutions and goals… but when you haven’t taken an honest assessment of how the last year, resolutions and goals went, you’re likely to simply repeat whatever cycle you’ve been living. I’ve personally heard people in my life repeat the same resolution year after year. If they had, however, taken the time to really reflect on what they set out to do and why they did or did not accomplish it, they would be in a position to celebrate the past year as well as create new goals and resolutions to continue moving forward.
How to Conduct Your Own Review
1) What did you accomplish this past year?
It’s so important to acknowledge all the big and small things that you accomplished or experienced over the year. You’ve done far more than you give yourself credit for and RIGHT NOW is the time to really reflect and appreciate these wins.
I want you to list out AT LEAST 25 things that you accomplished in this past year!
2) What did you set out to do, but did not accomplish? Why not?
If you want to make progress on your dreams and goals, you have to honestly assess what you did not accomplish and WHY. It’s so important to understand the why! Maybe the goal was far too lofty or you realized you just didn’t have any interest in completing it after all. If you want to acheive what you set out to do in 2012, you really need to understand what prevented you from doing so this past year. Then you can work to avoid obstacles and roadblocks going forward!
I want you to list out all the things you set out to achieve but didn’t, and more importantly, WHY you didn’t. This is a no judgement zone. Do NOT feel guilty or like you’ve failed! It’s a waste of precious energy that could be put towards creating success in the days to come.
3) Select a word for 2012.
The way to ensure that you experience the things you want to experience, live the life you desire and make amazing things happen is to create a theme for the year to come. What do you want to feel and experience next year? What do you want the tone of your life to be for the next 12 months? What is a word that captures the essence of all of this?
For me, 2012 is going to be the year of abundance, financially and beyond. I intend to experience abundance in my relationships, my work, my bank accounts, my happiness levels and the miracles and magic I experience in collaboration with others and the universe.
Take some time to think about what you want to feel and experience, then find ONE WORD that sums it up. Write this out and paste it above your work station or on your bathroom mirror.
4) Set goals that propel you forward.
Now that you know what you want to feel and experience in your life, what goals will support that in all areas of your life? Let’s take my word for example… abundance. For me to feel and experience this in 2012, I need to put the proper financial systems into place, get clear on what projects and clients I want to work on, what relationships in my life to cultivate and how to integrate more of the things that bring me joy and fulfillment.
Knowing this allows me to set goals that keep me inspired and focused for the next year. It gets me clear on what I need to STOP doing, who I need to STOP seeing and what things are counterproductive to abundance. It helps me choose goals that MATTER, that are important to me and will allow me to create the life I really want.
NO RESOLUTIONS. These are usually just things you “think” you should do and that is the very reason you likely won’t achieve them. All this does is set you up for disappointment in yourself, leaving you paralyzed and frustrated.
Goals that propel you forward are ones that EXCITE you. They will leave you feeling accomplished, inspired and energized when you reach them. Instead of “lose 10lbs,” how about run a marathon this year? Instead of “make X more money,” how about create and sell that product, artwork or other item that you’ve been longing to produce your whole life? The difference is that you will achieve the mundane goal in the process, but you will feel so much more compelled to do so because you’ve created a goal that inspires you.
Take action NOW!
I want you to share some or all of the following with me in the comments:
1) GLOAT. What did you accomplish in 2011? Hold nothing back, I want to celebrate with you!!
2) What did not go well in 2011? What did you learn when you asked yourself WHY?
3) What is your word for 2012?
4) Share with me one goal that will propel you forward next year?
Psssst! My program, Foundations for Unshakable Joy, is launching on February 7th, 2012! It’s the EXACT foundational process that took me from a stressed and depressed mess, to living the joy-filled life I lead today, following my passions and working for myself in beautiful Hawaii. I’ll teach you how to determine what YOU want in life and exactly how to make it happen, FAST. My list will receive first dibs on some special offers. Get on my list NOW! :)
Let’s connect! :)
