Guess What? You’re Not Supposed to Have it All Figured Out by Now!

Do you ever feel like you should be more experienced, further along or more on top of things in your life? That you should have an amazing career, the perfect husband and a clear sense of who you are and where you’re supposed to be? Worse, that you should already be there by now?

It’s time for a reality check.

You can only be who you are right now, in this moment, EXACTLY where you’re at. There’s nothing more to know. If you’re feeling discontent, stressed out or depressed, it’s not because you should be or have something other than what you have right now. It’s because you’re beating yourself up about what you’re lacking, rather than focusing on CREATING joy, fulfillment, passion and purpose in your life.

The truth about having it all figured out:

Where you thought you were “supposed to be by now” is irrelevant.

It was crafted by a younger, less experienced and not-here-right-now version of yourself. The only thing you’re supposed to have is this moment with whoever is here, wherever you are, as the person you are TODAY. How could you possibly have known what you “should” know today?

You had no idea what experiences, opportunities and personal transformations you would go through and how they would effect what you want in life. Feeling like you should be somewhere by now, when you’re clearly not “there,” should only tell you that maybe it’s NOT where you’re supposed to be.

When you’re on the right path, synchronicity is heightened and things feel easy. If you don’t feel that, chances are you’ve ventured down the wrong path and lost sight of what you REALLY want. Getting off course and feeling like you should be somewhere are clear signs that you’ve been working towards a life that is heavily influence by what others or society expect of you.

There will never be a point where you’ll have it all figured out. Ever.

Your life, personality, spirituality, knowledge and relationships are ALWAYS changing. You’re going to learn new things, discover new passions, meet new people and travel to new places… again and again, for the rest of your life. It’s impossible to ever have EVERYTHING figured out and there’s certainly no date by which you should. Stop putting pressure on yourself to get somewhere you can never reach.

Life is a learning process! Relationships, jobs, struggles, successes and everything in between are opportunities for spiritual growth. They give you a new perspective, tools or insights into who you really are and what you deeply desire. Everything and everyone around us is on this same journey, which makes it completely impossible to ever truly “figure it all out.”

The only thing that matters is who you are and what you desire RIGHT NOW.

It’s about incorporating more of what lights you up and less of what brings you down. What brings you JOY? What is your passion? Where do you find fulfillment, belly laughs and inspiration?

Unshakable joy, fulfillment and passion are produced by staying focused on what you really desire in your life right now. It also comes from knowing that “right now” is in constant flux. Regularly checking in with yourself is essential.

Take action now!

I want you to make a list of all the things you feel you should have, know or be by now. Take some time to consider where these beliefs came from. Your parents? Society? Internal expectations that stress you out always have an external source. Try to identify them.

Next, determine what’s really important to YOU. Use the following questions:

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Three Things You MUST DO to Feel Joyful

Things that continue to surface when you think about living your best life, being happier, more fulfilled and joyful, those are the things you MUST BE DOING because your spirit is calling for them.

If you’re constantly saying you wish you painted more, wrote poetry or short stories, started meditating, drank more green juice or got to be outdoors more… then you need to prioritize these things. When we see something we connect with on a deep level, we know it. We’re drawn to it in a way we can’t explain. We long for it.

Those that need to paint, are captivated by other people’s artwork, pour over art supply catalogs, long to buy and begin expressing themselves on canvas.

Those that need to meditate are constantly saying they should meditate. They wish that there was time in their day, extra money to attend a retreat or that they had access to a wellness center in their community for guided sessions.

Those that need to be outside are always staring out the window longingly, imagining themselves on a trail or beach and antsy from lack of movement and fresh air.

Whether or not you realize it, you KNOW what things you need in your life to feel joy. To live fully expressed, stress free and make YOUR contribution.

Here Are Three Things You MUST DO to Feel Joyful

1) Determine what things you’re drawn to.

When you envision yourself feeling happy and joyful, where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? What makes the experience a happy one?

If you struggle with these questions, think about the last time you felt truly alive and happy. What were you doing? Was it back in high school, maybe college? Was it a specific class centered around a forgotten passion? Were you being expressive, using your hands, playing, learning or connecting?

Who’s life do you feel jealous of? The woman that runs her own business? The mom down the street with an adorable newborn? The musician that plays at the local coffee shop? Ask yourself what it is about their life you’re drawn to and WHY.

2) Eliminate your excuses.

We all have our reasons why we feel we can’t make time for these things. How are you supposed to take up painting when you’re exhausted by your crappy job? You have bills to pay, there’s no way that you can travel and see the world. Or maybe you’re with someone that would never support this thing you desire to do. Stop making excuses and start looking for solutions!

If you set aside just 30 – 60 minutes each day to paint SOMETHING, before you know it, you would have a finished piece. You would have discovered your style, improved tremendously in your technique and had a lot of fun.

If you stopped buying Starbucks every day, cut back on your expenses and watched travel deals like a hawk, I’m positive that you would find the perfect opportunity (WITHIN your means) to travel and start seeing the world.

If you ditched that person that doesn’t support you (because, hello, that’s NOT LOVE), then you would be left with no excuse not to do the things you want to do.

There is ALWAYS a way! It may not be exactly how you picture it in your head, but if you just START, you’ll get there. Make as much time as you can. If it’s only 5 minutes a day, AWESOME. Just do it. Start RIGHT NOW and before you know it, you’ll be living a life that’s infused with your passions, leaving you joyful and satisfied.

3) Start a daily practice.

Carrying on from the last step, you must have a regular, daily practice. If writing brings you joy, helps you feel centered, and allows you to be focused, then it’s necessary for success in ALL areas of your life.

If painting makes you feel happy and alive, allows you to eliminate stress in your body, keeps your mood from diving into depression, and adds color to your world, YOU HAVE to make the time to regularly put brush to canvas.

We often overlook these essential activities in our lives because they seem frivolous. If you have time to paint, you probably have time to do something “more productive.” But if you don’t make the time to do something that LIGHTS YOU UP, you will be stressed out, off balance and far less productive on a long-term basis than if you just took 5 minutes to yourself each day.

If your life feels overwhelming, start small. Free write for 5 minutes each day. Paint something, ANYTHING, for 15 minutes every day. Jog once around the block every morning. Bake something one day each week.

Before you know it, you’ll feel the benefits of these little spurts and will find yourself giving more and more time to the things that you love. This is GOOD. The more time you’re able to give to these things, the happier you’ll feel. You’ll be more productive, more loving, stress free and fulfilled in your life.

Find five minutes in your day and make it a priority.

And remember, go with the flow!

You may start out focused on writing every day, but if (and when) you find yourself drawn to something new and unexpected, just go with the flow. Your spirit is initially drawn to what it needs to thrive so it can carry you on the path you’re meant to take. Honor that and just go with it!

Take Action Now!

In the comments section below, tell me at least one thing you feel drawn to. Next, tell me one commitment you will make to incorporate this into your life TODAY.

Need help finding what lights you up? If you want to experience unshakable joy, passion and fulfillment in your life, then you need to be on my mailing list NOW. February 7th marks the release of my new program, Foundations for Unshakable Joy™, and there will be some pretty sweet early-bird offers for my list. Subscribe below!

Yes, I want to experience UNSHAKABLE JOY!

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What is Confidence, REALLY?

Do you ever wonder what it is about some people that makes them so confident? So completely comfortable in their skin and radiating such positive, charismatic energy? I used to wonder this too. And then I learned that confidence really comes down to one INCREDIBLY SIMPLE thing.

Owning it.

When you’re “owning it,” it means that you’re totally and completely at peace with WHO YOU ARE in every moment, interaction and experience. You make no apologies for being awkward, nervous, excited, loud, soft spoken or other… you’re just you.

You radiate charismatic energy whether or not you have an extroverted personality because you are genuinely CONTENT with yourself and your present experience.

I know, I know… this is easier said than done. But today I’m going to share with you some simple tips, tricks and adjustments you can make to appear (more importantly FEEL) confident no matter what.

How to own it and be totally confident, all of the time.

1) Get out of your head!

When you stop engaging in the present moment and begin to THINK about how you look, sound, feel, smell, etc. you’re creating an immediate disconnect. Whether you’re disconnecting from a conversation or general experience, the effect is the same: you immediately lose confidence.

This loss of confidence creates an energetic wave that is felt by EVERYONE in the same room, interacting with you or listening to you speak.

It took me some time to understand this concept myself, but it’s amazing how someone else’s perception of, and connection to you can change the instant that you disengage with the present moment and go into your head. It makes it harder for them to connect to your message or to you, leaving them uncertain and uninterested.

The trick to living in the present moment is CONSTANT practice. When you catch yourself engaging in a viscous thought cycle rather than the present moment (or the person you’re with), use your senses to gently guide you back. Speak, take in the smells, notice the textures that you can feel.

People that appear totally cool and collected, they are 100% engaged in the present moment.

2) Own it. Whatever “it” is.

The second way to create instant and unshakable confidence is to totally OWN it. Whether it’s your opinions, emotions, feelings, words or choice of dessert, just own it. Don’t give a single thought to what anyone else would think of what you’re doing.

You’re you, you want what you want and you do what you do.

No apologies. No explanation. Just own it.

This concept is easy to grasp in terms of ordering whatever you want off the menu or picking a movie, but what about your feelings, emotions and experiences?

For the longest time I struggled to own my personality, my view of the world, my way of thinking and my feelings. Not only did I lack confidence, I was stressed, uncomfortable and completely miserable trying to “fit in” with the rest of the world.

I can tell you from experience, it’s a waste of precious time and energy.

If you’re feeling sad or moody, just own it. Be sad, be moody. Are you nervous as hell? OWN IT. Tell everyone that you’re nervous as hell! It stops the process of entering your head dead in it’s tracks.

Before I was practicing the art of owning it, I used to get EXTREMELY nervous going to networking events, especially the ones where you have to introduce yourself! There were so many times that I was so lost in my head and fighting my feelings that when I sat back down after introducing myself, I honestly couldn’t remember if I said my name right. So instead of pretending that I was anything less than I was in that moment, I just told people, “I’m not very good at this ‘speaking in front of people thing’ so just bare with me!”

You know what I got? Smiles, applause and REAL CONNECTION to everyone in the room instead of the typical glazed over stares and uninterested faces. I showed them I was a real person the second that I chose to own my feelings. Being totally okay with whatever emotions, sensations or feelings you’re experiencing in ANY given moment results in the appearance of TOTAL confidence.

It also allows you to out your feelings which weakens their power over you and allows you to just “party with them” as my mentor Josh Pais says.

Ever heard someone do what I just described? Say that they’re nervous and not good at public speaking, yet they make it look so easy that you think they’re lying? They’re owning it, and THAT is what gives them the confidence that you see.

3) Just. Be. You.

This is similar to the last step, but hear me out. When you honor who you really are, you will do things like wear the clothes that you really love… this in turn makes you feel COMFORTABLE, and that produces confidence.

Have you ever dressed up in a fancy suit or some clothes that aren’t your normal style? Did you feel uncomfortable the entire time? I bet you did. That triggers your mind to run wild with thoughts that do nothing but zap your confidence and make you feel like crap.

By honoring who you are and what you truly prefer in life, you’re creating an environment for confidence. You’re allowing yourself to be comfortable and express yourself. In turn, you ATTRACT the right people, opportunities and more into your life. When the right people and opportunities come along, you feel CONFIDENT because things are EASY. They work for you and your personality.

Don’t ever pretend to be someone or something you’re not! Just be you. You are amazing. You are unique. You will be so much happier and more confident when you just settle into who you are.

Take Action Now!

Leave a comment below letting me know the last time you felt totally comfortable and confident. What were you doing? Who were you with? Can you identify any of these steps at play? I would love to hear your own personal experiences with confidence (or lack thereof)!

Pssst! Need an instant confidence boost? How about getting clear on exactly what you want out of life and creating an easy-to-implement action plan, based on YOUR life, preferences and needs, to make it happen FAST? My program, Foundations for Unshakable Joy, is launching on February 7th and will give you all that and SO MUCH MORE!

Subscribe to my list now and receive a special discount when it launches.

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Are You Sure You Want to Do That?

Very recently I was invited to a social get together that sounded like a lot of fun, so RSVP’d yes. But as the night approached, I was feeling less and less enthused about it. For one, it had been a busy week and I was tired, but I also felt a TON of resistance to going.

So I didn’t.

But as I sat at home enjoying my relaxing evening, the thought popped into my head, “What’s wrong with you? You should have gone. It would have been fun. You need to be more social.” My MIND believed that there was something wrong with sitting at home on Friday night.

But the more that I thought about it, the more I realized that I was doing EXACTLY what I wanted.

Have you ever experienced this?

Being invited to something that SOUNDS like a great time, like something you’d want to do, with people you’d probably like to know. But there’s that initial pause where you’re not sure… and as this thing begins to get closer, you REALLY do NOT want to go. So what do you do?

If you go, you’ll feel resentful, exhausted and stressed out.

If you don’t, you’ll feel guilty, worried that you should have and unsure if you made the right choice.

Here’s the thing. I trusted my intuition (that guiding voice that said, HECK NO, I DO NOT WANT TO GO!) and stayed home to enjoy a much needed, relaxing evening. But as soon as I stopped enjoying and existing in the present moment, my thoughts got the best of me. Thoughts that have been manipulated by what other people think or what society tells us.

You should be social. You should have “fun” on Friday nights. Sitting at home alone is lame.

And you don’t want to be lame, do you?

So how do you decide if you REALLY want to do something or if you just think you should?

How to be 100% SURE you want to do something.

Listen to your intuition!

Sure, it can be a bit fuzzy sometimes if you’re not super connected to it, but your intuition knows best. No ifs, ands or buts about it. If you feel even the tiniest bit of hesitation, don’t commit to something. Put it on your calendar, say you’ll think about it or see how you feel when it’s closer.

If this thing begins to draw closer and you’re really excited about it, GREAT! Go. Thankfully without the stressful act of committing, you won’t be feeling stress and resentment as it draws near, but if you’re not feeling excitement either, then you know it’s not something you want to do.

If it’s something that REQUIRES an RSVP or commitment for any reason, TRUST YOUR GUT. Again, any ounce of resistance is hinting at something that you may not realize yet. You may be double booking yourself, over-committing or you may just really, on a deep level, not want to.

If you “think” it sounds fun, that’s a red flag.

THINKING means you’re not utilizing your intuition and inner guidance. You’ve probably convinced yourself that it’s a good idea, it will be fun or that you should. It may sound really, REALLY fun to you, but if you “think” ANYTHING beyond that, then it might not be for you.

I thought the gathering I was inviting to sounded really fun. But I didn’t feel excited deep down. I just THOUGHT, “Oh, this is a good idea, it should be fun and I really should go.” Why waste your time if you’re not overwhelmed with excitement?

Know yourself.

If I’d have stepped back and asked myself, “Is this really the kind of thing I would enjoy?” The answer would have been NO.

Deep down, you know what you do or don’t enjoy, whether you’re ready to admit that to others and yourself. Maybe it’s that you can’t stand going to networking events. Maybe it’s that you really just don’t like the movie theater and would rather curl up on the couch. Maybe it’s that you don’t really connect with those people on a necessary level.

It’s doesn’t matter… what matters is that take the time to know and honor your personal preferences.

But what about the things we “HAVE” to do?

Now, I realize that there are things that we’ll have to do in our lives out of love or respect to others, but even then… if you really, REALLY do not want to do something or know you’ll be miserable, hopefully you’ll be surrounded by people that UNDERSTAND.

You shouldn’t feel obligated unless that obligation is of some importance to you. For someone you love because you TRULY want to help them out. For something very important TO YOU and your personal goals or development. These are great opportunities for growth, if there is some part of you that deeply desires to participate. If not, then it’s only going to cause you stress and resentment. No good.

Take action NOW!

Leave a comment below sharing an experience you had where you said yes, when you really should have said no. What do you remember feeling when you were asked? How can you better honor yourself and listen to your intuition going forward?

If you enjoyed this post and don’t want to miss another, subscribe to my mailing list now!

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The Four Things You MUST be Doing to Build a Life Around Your Passion

If you’re like me, there’s probably something in your life that you’re deeply passionate about. You would love to build your life around this passion, your purpose, or your craft, but you “just can’t.”

After all, you have responsibilities. To your family, maybe even your children or your spouse. Maybe you have a responsibility to that bank that holds your car loan. You can’t just give your whole life two weeks notice and start living your dream tomorrow. Besides, what would people think?!

So you continue to work at that job that pays well… you socialize with the people in your life… you do the things that everyone else is doing. You figure that you’ll create a life around your passions, later. When the bills are paid and the timing is right.

But you’re not happy, because you want MORE. You want a life that’s centered around the things that light you up. A life surrounded by people that you connect with on a deep level. Where you’re doing things that nurture your soul. You want to be GREAT and live an AMAZING life filled with joy, passion and fulfillment. And you also know that you shouldn’t have to wait for the time “to be right.”

So what’s a gal to do?

How to Build a Life Around Your Passion

Commit, 100% to Becoming The Person You’re Meant to Be

The MOST IMPORTANT thing that you can do is commit 100% to becoming the person that you’re meant to be, living the life you so deeply desire to live. This means more than just saying, “I want this.” It means that you will go after this dream of yours with every ounce of energy that you have!

It means structuring your life in a way that can only support your success. You may have to work at a job you don’t like in an unrelated industry, that’s okay. If you’re ready to commit to making your dream a reality, then find a job that allows you to be done at the end of the day. Don’t look for the competitive position with room for growth, look for something that pays and lets you leave when the day is over.

Committing 100% means you don’t waste time sitting on the couch watching hours of MINDLESS television. It means you’re reading, practicing, applying, writing or DOING SOMETHING that moves you closer to your goal. It’s all about hustle baby!

Yes, take breaks, care for yourself, but COMMIT to making it happen by eliminating anything in your life that does not support your growth, OR making the necessary changes (like with your job) so that it’s more supportive of your dream.

Give Yourself Proper Nourishment: Mind, Body and Soul

In this day, it’s so easy for our mind, body and soul to be completely depleted of any energy, inspiration or joy. Between stressing about the bills, relationship troubles or the never ending stream of online information and entertainment, we’ve lost sight of what’s REALLY IMPORTANT to our success.

Your dream may require that you spend hours online hustling, but your dream also requires that you spend hours nurturing your mind, body and soul. Without your physical and emotional well being, you’re nothing. Literally. Nothing.

Making sure that you move your body, fill your tummy with healthy foods and spend time meditating, writing in your journal, or doing any form of contemplative practice is ESSENTIAL to your success. Without the energy, mental clarity and spiritual strength that these practices give you, you’ll only find yourself more stressed, more lost and more out of sorts than ever before.

It is a PRIORITY to care for yourself.

Write in your journal, take hot baths, drink tea and read a good book, DAILY. Meditate, practice yoga, walk, pray… do whatever it is that brings you peace and clarity, DAILY.

Train and Practice… CONSTANTLY

I don’t think there’s a single great writer, speaker, athlete, artist or other that started out at the top of their game. First, it takes discovering what it is that they’re passionate about… then it takes LEARNING how to do it… and most importantly, it takes PRACTICE! Constant practice is the key to mastering whatever it is that you want to master in your life.

If your dream is to be a world renowned author, you had better be writing EVERY DAY. Reading books, practicing your craft, trying new things and GROWING. You can’t find your voice, hone your skills and blow the minds of this world if you aren’t writing ALL. THE. TIME.

If your dream is to create beautiful art and make a lot of money doing it, you had better be making art AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. Capturing ideas, filling the inspiration well, trying new techniques, turning sketches into finished pieces… you have to be practicing your craft CONSTANTLY.

If you want to be great, and live an amazing life doing what you love, you can NOT overlook the parts that require you to work HARD at being the best that you can. People that are the making a living doing what they love, they know how important it is to constantly learn, grow, try new things, fail, and try again.

Practice, practice, practice, but also TRAIN. Train with the masters, with your idols and with anyone who can teach you something that you NEED to know. There’s no sense in being prideful… yes, if you wanted to, I know that you could learn whatever it is you need to learn totally on your own. But someone else has already spent YEARS learning what you need to know and can literally teach it to you in a matter of HOURS. Let them teach you. You’ll get there faster.

Surround Yourself With the RIGHT Team

It is so, so, SO important to surround yourself with the right people. If you’re trying to commit to your goals and your dream, but no one in your life cares enough to check in on you or support you, then it’s time to find a new support system.

Find people that are passionate like you are… it doesn’t have to be the same field, and it doesn’t mean these people don’t know how to have fun or talk about other things, the point is that they will support you. They will understand what you’re going through as you push hard, learn, grow and hit unavoidable bumps in the road.

They will cheer you on and keep you motivated when you’ve lost steam. They will remind you to take those necessary breaks, to nurture your soul and to remember the end goal when you feel like giving up.

No matter how strong or independent you may be, you need this support system for when things get hard, because things getting hard is unavoidable. You will hit bumps in the road, obstacles, set backs and emotional breakdowns. You don’t want to be surrounded by people that don’t support your dreams when this happens. You want people who know how much it means to you so that they can remind you of this when you’ve forgotten in the midst of stress.

Take Action Now

Do you have a dream or passion in your life? Have you committed to it 100%? Leave a comment below sharing your passion along with three things you’re going to implement or change in your life to show your commitment to making it happen.

Not sure what you want out of life? I’m getting ready to launch a program that will help you not only determine what it is you really want out of life, but what steps you need to take to get there, fast. Subscribe to my list below and receive a special discount when it launches!

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