The Other Night I Cried My Eyes Out
I know that you may be thinking… “no, not YOU. The one who’s always talking about a positive mindset, unshakable joy and living a life around your passion.” But it’s true.
The other night I cried my eyes out.
You see, the thing about living a life centered around joy, passion and fulfillment, is that it involves tears. It involves pain and suffering because like you, I’m human. Suffering in this life is unavoidable.
Despite living a life I LOVE, doing work that LIGHTS UP MY SOUL, I still get punched in the gut from time to time… I still feel sadness, I still feel frustration.
The difference is that I accept it into my life with open arms, because if there’s anything I’ve learned from my time on this earth is that pain, suffering and sadness truly push you to grow. They force you to be introspective, to explore your natural human emotions and to see what’s not working. To question life, the people that are in it and the work that you’re doing.
The difference between me NOW and me then? I embrace it. I welcome it. I FEEL it.
And I move on from it.
I’m a very deep and reflective person, and that makes me more susceptible to a wide range of emotions at any given time. Whether you’re willing to admit it or not, I’d venture to guess that there’s a very vulnerable and sensitive soul buried beneath the tough, strong or professional masks that you wear every day.
This front that you put out to the world… the one that says “I never cry. I’m not sensitive. I’m not emotional.” It doesn’t SERVE YOU, because you ARE sensitive and you ARE emotional… you’re human. And all humans cry.
Resisting your feelings and emotions DOES NOT serve you!
It leads to stress, sickness, disease, broken relationships, fits of rage and bouts of deep, dark depression. Anyone who’s experienced any of the above knows that these are simply no good… and when you’re in the habit of NOT DEALING, it’s near impossible to escape.
Being the emotional beings that we are, we’re prone to a wide variety of feelings. When you can learn to just accept them as what they are… a temporary experience or reaction, then you’re no longer captive to them.
You don’t get depressed. You don’t hold grudges. You don’t stuff your feelings deep down until your stomach starts bleeding and you break out in hives.
You feel them. You tend to your needs in that moment. You process. You release.
AND? You are capable of living a life of UNSHAKABLE JOY. Because when you get punched in the gut, hurt or simply feel a little off, you have the tools to bounce back (if you even fall down).
How to Accept, Deal With and RELEASE Your Emotions
Let. It. OUT.
Do not let a single thing fester, ever.
If someone is cruel to you, makes you angry, does something hurtful or crosses boundaries, let them know. Write about it in your journal. Vent to your friends and family. Scream into a pillow.
If a situation brings up emotions for you, express them. Let people know that you’re not feeling it and why. Honor yourself and your emotions. Respond accordingly.
Know the difference between expressing and dwelling.
Expressing is outing your feelings or emotions.
It’s telling the world, the people around you, or even yourself that, hey, I’m FEELING THIS RIGHT NOW. AND IT’S OKAY. It’s recognition and release in one fell swoop.
Dwelling on the other hand, that is rehashing, allowing emotions to fester, bringing up the past over and over again and happily forming a grudge. Grudges simply do not serve ANYONE. They don’t make amends for the harm done to you and they don’t make you feel anything but AWFUL. Don’t go there.
There is NOTHING in this worthy of holding a grudge or harboring negative feelings. Think about it… is there anything that someone’s done to you that’s worth giving up your life for? Getting a disease or losing everything over? No.
Stop being so prideful.
I don’t care if you’re running a successful company, have a rep for being the “coolest” one on the block or if you’re a guy, get over yourself. You’re a human being and we are all designed to feel anger, sadness and everything in between. We ALL cry and anyone who claims otherwise is either a liar or a major fester-pot of pent up emotions.
If you are sad, cry. If you are angry, scream. If you are happy, laugh.
It’s natural, it’s what you’re feeling, so be human and just go with it.
Let it GO!
In the same vein as not dwelling, you have to let these feelings pass naturally. If you feel sadness… cry. But when you’re done (and you will know that natural point at which it’s passed), stop.
Don’t encourage the emotion to linger through sad songs, depressing movies or the like. Don’t remind yourself over and over why you started crying in the first place… just let it run it’s course and pass naturally.
And you do know that point… that moment when you just finally stop crying, the anger subsides or the frustration breaks. Make the conscious choice to leave it at that or to take healthy, positive measure to push through it.
Go for a walk, talk to a good friend, read a good book. Don’t AVOID! But do take steps to push through it when you’ve spend the necessary time feeling and processing.
Take Action Now!
Think of the last time you avoided or ignored your emotions. How did that feel? How did your body physically respond? Is there anything you’re holding onto right now that you would be better off processing and releasing?
Share with me one way you’ll commit to honoring, processing and releasing your emotions.
Did someone say UNSHAKABLE JOY? Oh, it was me. :) If you want to experience unshakable joy, passion and fulfillment in your life, then you need to be on my mailing list NOW. February 7th marks the release of my new program, Foundations for Unshakable Joy, and there will be some pretty sweet early-bird offers for my list. Subscribe below!
Yes, I want to experience UNSHAKABLE JOY!
Do You Hate Your Job but Gotta Pay the Bills?
I hear you.
I know exactly what it feels like to be stuck in a job that makes you feel like your life is going nowhere.
The very worst part is when you cross the line between “I can do this for a little while” and “OMG I can’t take another painful day at this place!” Suddenly getting out of bed becomes near impossible and you feel so drained at the end of the day that there’s no energy left for anything else… especially looking for a job that fulfills you and leaves you excited for more (what? that’s possible? YES).
So what do you do?
Not to worry, as an experienced job hater (I worked MANY jobs before launching a fulfilling career working for myself), I have some simple tips and tricks to help your days become more enjoyable, leaving you with the energy to manifest the perfect position (or career) into your life.
How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything
The concept behind this one is that you need to go pro in your life. What does going pro mean? It means that you treat every aspect of your life, and day, like it’s your profession and you’re #1 in that field.
When you wake up in the morning, you brush your teeth like a professional tooth brusher. When you prepare your breakfast, you do it with the care and attention to detail that you would if you were going to serve it to a customer at a restaurant. When you get dressed, you get dressed like being totally put together and attractive is your JOB.
And when you show up to work? You show up as a pro. You do the best work that you can, with a positive attitude and a smile on your face. Why? Because how you do anything is truly how you do everything. You want to be in a positive state of mind, giving your absolute best and ready to take on any challenges when that perfect opportunity shows up.
I promise that if you take just one day and go pro, you’re going to feel energized and amazing a the end of it! You’ll feel as if you’ve made a difference, done significant work and looked your best while doing it. And when you make it a habit? That’s when synchronicity and miracles begin to happen.
Practice Gratitude All Day Long
Get yourself a little pocket notebook and pen that you can keep with you all day. When something happens at your job that frustrates you, take it out and write down 3 things you’re grateful for about this experience. I know it sounds impossible, but do your best.
For example, if you’re in customer service and you encounter an impossible to deal with customer who makes you stressed out and ready to quit, bust out the notebook. One positive thing could be grateful for is that he had been chewing gum and at least he wasn’t blasting you with garlic breath while yelling. Or, maybe you liked his sweater and he was generally well dressed. It doesn’t matter, the point is to find three positive things about the situation.
A negative mindset spells dead end in your life. Don’t go there! Be grateful that you have a job and can pay your bills. Practice gratitude in each moment that you can and you will soon find that more and more truly positive experiences and opportunities are arriving in your life.
Do One Thing That Moves You Towards Your Dream Career Each Day
Whether you’re still in school, trying to land a dream gig or trying to start a business, do one simple thing that will move you forward each day. Get online and send an email to someone that you want to connect with. Update your resume, research ways that you can get your foot in the door in your market, work on your vision board or network through social media.
The act of taking one small action will help you feel like you’re moving, because YOU ARE! Don’t let the fact that you’re working at a job you hate keep you from taking action. Make a list of little things you can do to move forward and start doing them every day!
And if you’re one of the LUCKY ones to have a day job with downtime, utilize it! Do research, take an online course, network on Twitter or Facebook. This will also eliminate that painful feeling of being “stuck” that jobs often create.
TRUST That This IS Temporary
Sometimes we have to detour from our field or chosen path. It happens to the best of us and you’re not any less of a person or talent because of it. This job IS temporary. Trust that! So long as you put into practice the tools I’ve laid out above, this job will become less painful for you and you will begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Take Action Now!
Tell me three things that you’re grateful for about your day job.
They can be ANYTHING. And those of you that are past the dreaded day job phase, share your tips and insights in the comments below! I know I would love to hear your own experiences and advice! xo
Also, I’m getting ready to launch Foundations for Unshakable Joy in February! This program will help you discover what it is you TRULY want out of life, as well as create a step-by-step action plan to achieve it, FAST!
Subscribe to my list now and receive a special discount when it launches.
It Shouldn’t Be As Painful As It Is
No matter what it is that you’re battling on an emotional level right now, it shouldn’t be as painful as it is. This is not meant to invalidate your feelings, because you are absolutely right and valid in feeling what it is that you feel, but you’re also the one making it far worse than it needs to be.
The cause of our suffering is most often our resistance to what is.
When someone we love leaves us (a broken friendship, breakup or a family member who’s passed), we don’t want it to be true. We want to fight to keep it, we want to replay our time together over and over in our heads… we want to do absolutely anything but accept that it is what it is.
Or when we’re working at a miserable job, we resist it. We fight each day with every cell in our body, effectively stressing ourselves out, upping the pain level and damaging our own spirits. We don’t want to be there, so we resist it as hard as we can.
If you want to be happy, experience passion and fulfillment in your life and move through whatever it is that pains you right now, you have to stop resisting it.
It is what it is. Painful, yes. But like all things, that pain WILL PASS. The longer that you resist feeling and experiencing it, or more importantly, accepting it, the longer it will linger. The more pain you’ll feel, the more damage you’ll do to your own body and the longer it will take to feel joyful again.
Three Simple Steps to Stop Resisting What Is
1) Face It.
When painful things are occurring, we like to avoid dealing with them. We distract ourselves through solving other problems, watching TV or just physically being elsewhere.
You HAVE to face what’s causing you pain head on.
Your relationship ended. Your job is horrible. Your friend said something terrible behind your back. Someone close to you has a terrible illness. There was an accident. This has happened. The first thing that you need to do is FACE IT. See it for what it is, experience what YOU need to experience.
Cry, write, throw things. Talk to someone you love. Take some time away from work. You can’t hide from these emotions because there’s nowhere for them to go. If you don’t face them now, they will literally eat you alive, causing you more suffering that is completely unnecessary.
2) Accept It.
Accepting it doesn’t mean that you’re condoning someone’s bad behavior, forgetting a person you love or that you’re going to put up with a terrible boss. It simply means that you’re accepting the situation at face value. It is what it is.
Look at the situation as if you are an outside reporter documenting the story. See the facts, not the drama in your head. Observe what is happening and don’t resist it. Don’t analyze it, don’t over think it and don’t FIGHT IT. Just accept it. No judgments.
3) Release it.
Releasing isn’t necessarily about forgetting or putting something behind you. It’s about releasing your grip and need to control the situation. You’ve faced it and you’ve accepted it… now it’s time to release all resistance, all desire for any particular outcome and begin to trust in the universe, God or whatever higher power that suits you.
Everything DOES happen for a reason. We can’t always see it in the moment, but you know that this is true and that one day you will understand the value in what’s happening to you now. There’s a reason that people say this so often, because they too have experienced a pain like yours and they have made it through to see the value or gift in the situation, just as you will.
Bad jobs help us find amazing jobs. Old relationships allow us to grow into the person we need to be and prepare us for the right relationships. Illness or death can bring clarity, deeper connection and gratitude.
It doesn’t make it any less painful to experience it, but you have to trust that it is for a reason and that you WILL be okay. You will grow, you will recover, you will find peace.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe
Take Action Now
If you’re experiencing pain on any level, I want you to take a good look at the level of resistance that you may be creating. Where do you need to face your problems head on? Where do you need to accept them? And where do you need to release?
Psssst! I’m getting ready to launch my program Foundations for Unshakable Joy, on February 7th, 2012. This is the EXACT foundational process that took me from a stressed and depressed mess, to happy, fulfilled and living a life built around my passions and purpose! It will help you not only determine what it is you really want out of life, but what steps you need to take to get there, FAST.
Subscribe to my list below and receive a special offer when it launches! :)
How to Get the Most Out of Your Life Through the Principles of PLEASURE (Ooooh, yeah)!
While at Rich Happy and Hot Live in New York, I had the *pleasure* of being introduced to the magical Mama Gena. I’d heard of Mama Gena before. In fact, I’d even downloaded a copy of her book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, to my Kindle the week before… but I had no idea what I was in for!
Mama Gena entered the room on the shoulders of two, what I assumed to be, male models. They carried her right up to the stage, did a little sexy dance and each gave her a juicy kiss before she introduced herself (after putting on some more lip gloss, of course). Pretty awesome entrance, right?
{ Photo Credit }
Mama Gena exudes a level of confidence in her femininity that I have never experienced before. She has trained women of all ages to “use the power of pleasure to have their way with the world.”
Pleasure sounds naughty, doesn’t it?
When you take a look at the lives that we lead today, filled with deadlines, pressure, stress, competition and technology, it’s no wonder that pleasure sounds like something taboo. Something you only “do” behind closed doors… when everything else has been handled.
Pleasure is about choosing to infuse all aspects of your life with fun, owning your beauty and sensuality as a woman, reinventing yourself, flirting, being playful and inviting abundance into your life!
Mama Gena’s entrance at Rich Happy and Hot Live is a perfect example of these principles. Instead of just walking on stage when cued, giving a little wave to the crowd and then diving into her presentation, she made a party out of it! She was CARRIED IN on the shoulders of two men… danced her heart out and looked like she had waaaaay more fun than any other speaker!
You want to live an extraordinary life? It’s as simple as putting these principles into action.
Three Ways to Infuse Your Life With Pleasure
1. Turn every outing into a special occassion.
Dress up, put on some lipstick and do your hair. I don’t care if you’re running some errands or heading out on a date, make it special! Dress your best so that YOU feel amazing. It’s especially important to do this when you’re feeling frumpy or depressed. Going all out and getting dolled up can instantly elevate your mood. You’ll feel and look amazing and that energy will enhance whatever it is that you’re doing.
2. “Love the F* out of yourself during these brief days on the planet.”
A quote straight from the queen of pleasure herself. Life is short! We all know this, yet we still choose to ignore it. You don’t always get a second chance and things really do change in an instant. Make the most out of your days and LOVE THE F* OUT OF YOURSELF! Treat yourself like the amazing, loveable, deserving beauty that you are. You DESERVE IT. You deserve that massage…the hot bubble bath at the end of EACH work day, that dark chocolate and glass of wine. You deserve time off to read, or maybe work on that neglected hobby of yours. You deserve to eat dinner on the good plates every night in your best dress with your favorite music playing over candlelight.
Can you imagine? Living each day doing the things that you enjoy most? The things that you desire and crave, yet constantly withhold from yourself? There doesn’t need to be an occassion (see #1) other than you just WANT TO.
3. Make every moment as joyful as you can.
Instead of looking at your commute to work with dread, look at it as YOUR time! Can you get a book on tape that you’ve been dying to devour? What about savoring some dark chocolate delight on the way home, listening to your favorite songs and some lavendar aromatherapy? Sound silly? Of course it does, because none of us take the time to CREATE that level of joy in our lives. We expect that most things will be painful and so many moments in our daily lives are wasted on stress and frustration.
It doesn’t have to be this way! An extraordinary, joyful life is within your control!
Take Action NOW!
I want you to list out all of the painful moments in your life. Is it your commute? Workouts at the gym? Sitting at your cubicle? Once you have a list of those moments, brainstorm three ways you could make each moment more pleasurable! Share your ideas in the comments below, or let me know where you’re struggling so I can help!
Slow Your Roll (The Power of Stepping Back)
Before my mastermind retreat a couple weeks ago I was feeling very tired.
Physically exhausted, mentally drained and tired of pushing, almost desperately, towards some personal and professional goals. I’d hit a real wall and there had been little to no synchonistic events in my life causing everything to suddenly seem impossible. Ever been there?
So what happened?
When you’re pushing way too hard, you’re bound to hit this wall. The urgency of getting somewhere RIGHT NOW will leave you stressed, drained and frustrated. Being in this sort of mental state leaves you tired and majorly unproductive, only further fueling the cycle.
Even worse, you’re essentially telling the universe that you don’t trust it to support you, manifest your desires and bring the appropriate opportunities your way.
You stop the flow, putting more pressure on yourself.
You Have to Slow Down to Reignite the Flow
When I realized what was happening, I made a conscious decision to take a step back. I stopped pushing so hard, put my focus on a few priorities and RELAXED.
Amazing things happened.
An awesome new friend and supporter appeared in my life. Not only is she someone I’d been searching for on a personal level, but she came along with something that I needed. Something I’d been pushing hard to find, only to come up empty handed again and again. This something had become an enormous block for me professionally, and she offered it up with a loving smile and generous heart.
Additionally, I’ve been absolutely bursting at the seams with inspiration and clarity. I’ve found a massively productive groove, fine tuned my self care and work routines and am feeling so much joy. Work has started to pick up, projects that stalled out are moving forward and my goals feel possible again.
How to Reignite the Flow in YOUR Life
First, get honest with yourself.
Are you pushing too hard? Burning yourself out? Frantically trying to make something happen RIGHT THIS MINUTE? Are you stressed? Depressed? Physically and emotionally exhausted?
The first step is acknowledging the pattern. Do this with zero judgment. Simply recognize how you may be pushing too hard and the ways in which it’s effecting your life.
Second, SLOW. DOWN.
Take a step back and stop pushing so hard. I promise this will not make you any less productive than you will be if you keep pushing like you are. If you don’t take some time to relax and trust in the universe, you’re going to run yourself straight into the ground, without accomplishing a single thing.
Take a hot bath, go to the park, play with your cat… call up your mom AND best friend. Order your favorite take out and pop in your favorite movie. Rest, relax, recover. The universe has your back and will be making moves in your favor while you’re taking this time out for yourself.
Third, clearly state your intentions.
Why are you pushing so hard? What is it that you want to create and what do you need to show up in your life to create it? Get clear about your intentions and ask the universe, God or your higher power for support and guidance. Create a vision board, journal about your goals… put it out there.
Lastly, prioritize what’s really important.
Once you’ve placed your order with the universe, use this clarity to set some real priorities. What is important for you to do in order to pave the way for these things to manifest in your life? How can you do this without burning yourself out?
Remember that self care is ALWAYS a top priority. Without taking the time to nurture your body, mind and soul, you’re setting yourself up for burnout! Keep yourself fueled so that when the universe delivers your amazing opportunities, you’re ready and able to see them!
Take Action Now!
In what ways are you pushing too hard and wearing yourself down?
Please share your thoughts, insights and “aha” moments in the comments section below!
Let’s connect! :)
