You Have Permission to Protect Your Peace

November 22, 2021

You have permission to protect your peace.

Especially during this upcoming holiday season and the mess of family triggers, but also anytime you need to.

This is something I find myself reminding my clients of frequently, especially certain personality types that are more prone to people-pleasing and caretaking everyone around them. Particularly with their families and oldest friends.

It’s something we all have to learn at some point.

I remember all the firsts that were so scary and hard for me.

Saying no when I knew they really wanted or needed me to say yes. Firing a toxic client. Blocking an ex-boyfriend because I needed the space to heal. Telling my family I wouldn’t be attending whatever thing was important to them. Letting friends know when the relationship no longer served me.

The list goes on and on, but there’s a common thread…

This work is heartbreaking, terrifying, and can make you feel like a real jerk.

But the truth is:

You have permission to protect your peace.

You’re allowed to ask people to stop talking to you about things.

You don’t have to take care of any other grown @$$ human if you don’t want to.

You aren’t required to give in any way that costs you your health and sanity.

You can end any relationship that no longer feels aligned.

You can say no, decline the invitation, and choose to put yourself first.

Regardless of what anyone around you has to say about it.

Because people will get mad.

That’s inevitable.

Oh my goodness, how they’ll get mad. They may lash out, going into overdrive trying to make you wrong. Guilt and shame you. Throw things in your face to make you feel like you owe them. It’s awful and messy and hard to stay centered. I know this far too well. Especially when you’re used to people-pleasing with everyone.

And…

You have permission to protect your peace.

Anytime and with anyone you need to.

What are the boundaries you need to set, and with whom?

And, most importantly, what are the consequences if those boundaries are crossed?

Will you leave the party or walk away from the conversation when it enters topics and territories you said you didn’t want to go into? Will you stop helping them with whatever you’ve been tasked with when they start getting rude? Will you leave the relationship if they continue to be toxic and abusive? What will happen if that boundary is crossed to honor yourself and what you requested?

This work is never easy.

But it does get more easeful over time.

Because the more you protect your peace, the more you understand its importance, and the more easily you begin to align with people who never give you a reason to consider protecting your peace in the first place. And some of your existing relationships will surprise you. Some people respond well to boundaries once they’re set. Not everyone, but some relationships thrive as a result of this work.