Three Years Ago, I Began to Bottom Out

August 2, 2022

Three years ago, I began to bottom out harder than ever but I didn’t know it because everything that signaled how low I’d sunk was dressed like a shiny step up.

The move to the mountain valley. The new relationship. The way I was making good, consistent money.

I was in the mountains with my new 4runner.

He was kind and caring, without a controlling or abusive bone in his body.

The money was big, and I earned it entirely on my terms with a part-time commitment.

But it was all created from the lowest self-worth I’d ever had after loss, trauma, abuse, and bankruptcy. I was a shell of a person, absolutely destroyed and totally unaware of how much so because I was making all these “good,” upward-appearing movements and choices across the board.

But the truth is…

The valley was stagnant and suffocating, I never found my people, and there was far less access to the nature my soul needed.

The partner was wholly unavailable, and the constant uncertainty and abandonment caused an unhealthy level of anxiety.

The work was soul-sucking and burned me out so hard I wasn’t sure I’d recover.

I felt trapped and stalled out.

I became depressed and disconnected.

I started acting from desperation and fear.

I came completely undone.

But bottoming out can be such a gift when we choose to see it for the lessons it contains.

When we decide to do our healing work so we can begin rebuilding from a whole and aligned space. And that’s what I chose.

I did my healing work like never before.

I sat in the depths of it until I’d moved and processed everything that needed to go.

I released my grip and fell more deeply into trust and surrender in truly terrifying ways.

I cleared space, reducing my life to zero.

I asked for help and I learned to receive it.

I said yes to what felt most like me even when it felt impossibly out of reach.

I raised my self worth.

I wouldn’t have guessed that my bottom would seem so lovely and perfect on the surface, especially not after all the horrors I walked through in those prior years.

But it did, and it was exactly what I needed to finally wake up again. To finally heal myself so fully that I’ve never felt happier or healthier. I’ve never felt so aligned with the truth of who I am, and I’ve never been so excited for what I’m building and creating in my world.

Whatever your bottom looks like…

Do the work. Go deeper than you have have before. Get support to process it out of your body so you have more freedom, leverage, and self worth to claim your fullest expression and most aligned life and work.

Healing is always possible.

My writing has moved to Substack!

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