In the last year, I’ve learned a lot about love and what it means to be in a healthy, loving relationship. So when my brother asked me to do a reading at my older sister’s wedding, I felt compelled to write the following for her and her fiancé. There’s an inside joke mixed in there you may or may not get. 🙂
What is love?
Love is about faith.
Faith in yourselves, one another, and the higher power that directs you and your lives. The higher power that brought you both together and carried you through all the highs, lows, bumps, bruises, hugs, and kisses on the path that led you here today. These bumps and bruises, and all the ones yet to come, are exactly what you need to become the people you’re here to be, and to best love and care for one another throughout your marriage.
Love is about truth.
Showing up fully, authentically, and vulnerably in each moment of your lives together. Always speaking what’s true for you with love and kindness, and allowing the other to do the same. Truth is not a one time thing, and your truths will shift as you change and grow as individuals. The more you can love and honor one another’s truth, the more deeply you can root into your lives together and the easier it will be to build love that lasts a lifetime.
Love is about opening.
Opening more fully and deeply to one another in total surrender to the beauty and chaos that is love. To the highs and the lows. To the good times and bad. To the many experiences that life will bring your way. Closing down out of fear and resentment is easy, that’s why so many marriages and relationships fail. Staying open? It takes work. It takes trust. It takes faith. When you feel yourself closing out of hurt, anger, or fear, remember this moment. The moment you chose to build a life together, how deep your love is, and choose to open again to love and each other.
Love is about forgiveness.
Forgiving yourself and each other for your mistakes, shortcomings, unkind words, and actions. Remember that while you’re both spiritual and divine beings, you’re also two humans building a life together. You’re building a home together, and sometimes that means sharing a tiny little bathroom where the heat from showering can make for a cranky koala bear in the mornings. Forgiving the flaws, imperfections, unkind words, bursts of anger, and unavoidable mishaps so you can continue to grow together rather than stay stuck in hurt and resentment.
But love is also about accountability.
Holding one another accountable to live up to your full potential, which means calling each other out, never giving up when one of you is down, and always showing up when it matters most. It’s about knowing each other fully, loving and accepting it all, even the parts you may not always like, and creating the space for you both to show up fully. Love is also about loving yourself first, so you’re able to show up and support one another. Honoring each other’s needs and desires, compromising and creating change when it feels right, but always allowing each other to be their own amazing person in the world.
Love is simply about showing up.
Open, truthful, vulnerable, and sometimes hurt or angry.
Choosing, every single day, to love and honor each other.