I Wanted the Isolation and Inconvenience to Challenge Myself

May 22, 2021

“I’m really proud of you,” my friend said to me the other day. “You’re doing what you said you wanted to do. It’s awesome.”

“Thanks,” I smiled. “I’m trying.”

When I first moved to the mountains, many people said I’d be back after a year. He was one of them, suggesting I choose somewhere closer to the comforts and community that had held me through the most challenging season of my life.

But I wanted to be far away. I wanted to be central to the Rocky Mountains I love and the Utah desert that lit me up so I could adventure to endless new places. And I wanted the isolation and inconvenience to challenge myself in ways I needed, even if I didn’t totally understand why at the time.

He’s right; I’m doing it.

I’m getting outside to explore new places every week, planning longer trips for this summer and fall, and I’m challenging myself in new ways almost every time. I’ve found incredible new spots, learned so many skills all by myself (or with the help of kind and generous strangers), and unearthed deeper parts of myself in the process.

And there’s so much more I want to do that I’m finally allowing myself to not only claim, but to go after wholeheartedly. To be the me I’m here to be, living the life I’m here to live. It’s exciting and terrifying and filled with risks and unknowns—just like my move to the mountains a few years ago.

But I keep leaning into it.
More and more every day.
That’s all there is to do.

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