We All Make Bids in Relationships

We all make bids.

For love, attention, affection, and affirmation.

Especially right now, when we’re all working to showcase our best lives and selfies on social media. Literally looking for immediate feedback in the form of “likes.”

But…

What if someone doesn’t like you or find you funny?
What if they don’t think you look very cute in your outfit?
What if your work isn’t the best or highest quality?
What if you messed up and got it wrong?

Are you going to make it mean something about you, or are you going to see that it’s just their personal opinion and perception that you get to decide how to interpret?

I talk about context a lot because context changes everything.

Context is how we frame an experience.

Our lens, beliefs, values, past experiences, perceptions, fears, and traumas shape our present experience. We’ve all heard the term “rose colored glasses.” That’s context. It gives our life a certain hue that’s unique to each of us.

Where we go wrong is that we assign meaning to everything.

If I say I don’t like you, it means you’re unloveable or worthless.
If I don’t like your outfit, it means you’re fat and ugly.
If I say your work isn’t up to par, it means you’re a failure.
If I say you got it wrong, it means you’re not good enough as a person.

But really, my responses don’t mean any of those things.

If we want to grow and become who we’re here to be, living our purpose and showing up fully expressed, we have to let go of these attachments and interpretations.

Yes, it feels wonderful when people love us, praise us, and celebrate our every move. But even that’s irrelevant to whether or not we’re worthy, lovable, talented, and capable. It’s one person’s perception and reflection from their unique context.

It’s not really about us; it’s about them. That doesn’t make someone else’s love, praise, affection, or feedback worthless. It just means if we want to experience true peace, freedom, and full expression of self, we have to stop being attached to it.

Regardless of someone’s response to us, our worth should never be on the table.

Self-worth comes from within.

From a deep sense of self-love and a true appreciation for and understanding of who we’re here to be. We are inherently worthy and deserving of good things, and that doesn’t change if the object of our affection, our family, or our friends don’t like some aspect of who we are, how we show up, or what we do.

In my business, I learned to detach from praise and criticism a long time ago.

If you love my work, that’s great. But it doesn’t bear weight on my worth.

If you hate my work, that’s great. But it also doesn’t bear weight on my worth.

Now, if you have constructive criticism, I’m all ears (even though I may not listen to it if it feels irrelevant to my work or journey). But there’s a difference between listening for reflections that are useful to our growth and evolution and internalizing someone’s personal preference and projection.

Separate your worth from other people’s responses.

Learn to be solid in yourself, no matter how other people perceive you, and commit to being your most fully expressed self. Not everyone will like or love you and the ways you show up or what you create. Not everyone can appreciate the beauty that is you. And, even more importantly, we don’t have to contort ourselves to fit what others want to receive love.

Notice where you’re making bids and how much weight you give to other people’s responses. Focus on raising your self-worth from within, and I promise you’ll be less and less affected.