It took me time, but I’ve learned that much of what I thought was true love was just unhealthy enmeshment and entanglement.
And being able to see it for exactly what it is has made it far easier to set it all down and leave it behind.
It brings a deep sense of peace and freedom because you know you can never again fool yourself into believing it’s something more. And now you’re aware of another flavor of unhealthy attraction that you can say “no, thank you” to far sooner.
It’s not easy to admit where we get things wrong.
It’s not easy to see how blind we’ve been to particular experiences or how deeply we’ve deluded ourselves (let alone look at why we needed to do so in the first place). But, admitting how far off base we were is freeing. It’s healing and powerful and so profoundly supportive of creating what we really want.
When we end up in unhealthy enmeshments, it doesn’t mean there wasn’t actual love and care. It doesn’t mean the other person is awful or that we’re broken or damaged and incapable of healthy love. It just means we’re still leveling up on the path to finding our right people and living the life we’re here to live.
Be grateful for the lessons, as painful and embarrassing as they can be. Be thankful for all the good you experienced and everything you learned along the way. Give yourself permission to feel all the hurt and anger that comes up, moving it out of your system as productively as possible (most of which is usually directed toward ourselves). Unpack the deeper layers of your core wounding and winning strategy that came into play and led you into the entanglement in the first place.
And carry all the wisdom forward with you.
Commit to never going back to that level again, no matter how tempting it may be.
Train your body and nervous system to read that particular flavor of attraction as a NO.
And keep facing forward and becoming the person you want to be, the person who will more easily align with the amazing people you want in your life.
That’s the work.
And it’s never-ending.