“Keeping the Peace” Isn’t Loving

July 9, 2021

Withholding to “keep the peace” isn’t love. It’s not caring or supportive.

It’s withholding.

It’s putting up a wall where there should be a door. It’s contorting and compromising in ways that hurt every heart involved. It’s hindering connection and stalling the relationship from growth.

It’s not love; it’s fear.

Recently, someone “finally stopped holding back” with me after many months. They thought they’d been doing me some favor by withholding their feelings, but really all they did was accelerate the deterioration of our connection and relationship.

I welcomed their truth and was even able to identify and begin shifting some things in me I hadn’t been able to see before. Trauma I needed to heal or release. Things I was projecting and not seeing in myself. Ways of being that weren’t aligned with what I said I wanted and who I believed myself to be.

I wish they’d told me sooner.

Our relationship could likely have grown and nurtured us both rather than ending.

Yes, conflict is hard and scary, and sometimes our truth means losing the people we never want to lose.

But truth is love. Honesty is caring. Sharing is supportive. Being open is what allows connections to thrive and deepen. And even if our connections and relationships falter because of the truth, it means it’s what’s best for everyone involved.

Stop withholding in the name of love. Push through the discomfort and tell the truth, always and often. Be ungraceful in it until you find your footing, which you will.

Truth is love.

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