I met a really great guy.
Kind and respectful and values showing up for his friends and family at a level I’ve been craving for quite a while.
He called me at the mechanic’s shop to make sure I was getting the service and support I needed, made me laugh on long calls that went well into the night, and has an adventurous spirit that matches (and even outweighs) my own. He wanted to fly me out to Texas and float with me down his favorite river this summer, checking so many boxes on the list of what an ideal partner is for me and my life.
And still, I let him go.
First, I’m not in the heart-space to give myself to a relationship fully.
Healed from and over my last one, for sure.
But the idea of giving so much of my time, energy, and attention to someone else and building something meaningful between us felt like more than I had to offer.
I absolutely love my life right now and the magic I’ve manifested lately, and I’ve got my head down working diligently on some really important things. My final six months in Colorado feel like this incredible time ripe with the opportunity to continue raising my self-worth, bringing new things to fruition (in myself and my business), and setting myself up for success in this next season.
I’m no longer in a place of scarcity or feeling like I have to grab onto something just because it’s standing right in front of me. If I’m not ready for a relationship, I’m not ready for a relationship. My right person will hang around, or someone better will come along. I’m finally able to trust in the abundance of the universe.
Second, while we were very compatible in ways I’ve never experienced in the past, some very key and important things were missing for me.
I’ve been in too many relationships where I’ve settled for less than I desire and deserve, and it’s never done anything but make me sick and stagnant. The cost of being in a space where my deepest needs don’t get met is too high, and even if there are other great aspects, I refuse to overlook what matters most to me again.
After all the healing work I did this summer, I’m clear on my non-negotiables and what I value most. Either those things need to be present right out of the gate, or there needs to be an ability to build bridges with ease.
This is also anchored in my newfound sense of abundance and worthiness.
I don’t have to settle for “good enough” because I know I’m deserving of what I desire (something I honestly hadn’t fully believed until recently). I don’t have to latch onto the first great thing that comes along because I know there are many options available to me in this life. Anything that isn’t right is just another opportunity to align with what I actually want. These things are often tests, too. The universe is checking to see if we’ve really raised our self-worth so that we can receive all the things we want or if we’re going to continue settling.
So, I said goodbye to this great guy with heaps of appreciation for our time.
Because dating casually right now (my weeks with this person especially) has been a truly expansive experience.
I’ve begun to align myself with men who are far more present, attuned, directed, and communicative. Men who don’t take everything I say and do personally and who are open, honest, and transparent about where they’re at. Men who I feel genuinely restful and at ease around, which has been such a nice change.
And I’ve been aligning myself with men who value and prioritize adventure and new experiences like me, which is so awesome and fun.
It’s been profoundly transformational to let myself lean into these experiences and get new points of reference for what it will feel like to align with my right partner. Even though I’m not ready for a full-on relationship at this time, getting back out there has allowed me to practice a lot of new skills, beliefs, and ways of being, and I’m really proud of how far I’ve come since this spring! Both in my level of worthiness and how I can now show up in relation to men and dating.
Growth is my favorite.
And doing the work to raise my self-worth has already resulted in so many beautiful shifts in my life. I honestly can’t wait to see how it continues to evolve and grow as I deepen into this work in all the ways I’ve been focusing on lately.
Every time we say no to what doesn’t feel aligned, we affirm our sense of worth and that we’re deserving of more.
That doesn’t mean we’re turning down everything that isn’t absolute perfection; it just means we’re not settling on the things that are most important to us.
Some things are negotiable; some things aren’t.
Only we get to discern what those things are for us, and I’m so crystal clear after my last few relationships what my non-negotiables are. I know how I want to feel in a partnership and what I want my life to look like as a whole.
And, the truth is, I’m oh so happy on my own.
I love my life. I love my work. I love my friends. I love how I get to spend my time and that I can do things at my pace, when and where I want. I love what I’m working on and what this next season of my life will undoubtedly entail. If someone doesn’t add value to what I’m already cultivating for myself, then I’m not interested.
What I’ve learned from endlessly asking people why they’re in relationships over the last several years (or why they want one) is that most people do it for the wrong reasons. They don’t know how to be alone and they need companionship (but not necessarily depth or connection), or they need someone to make babies with. Some people even feel like they “should” be partnered because of their age or status.
Being at peace with myself and creating a meaningful life that’s all my own makes it easy to not settle in relationships anymore.
I don’t need perfection.
But I do know what I absolutely refuse to settle on. Even better, I feel worthy and deserving of the best from my relationships, and I’ve done so much intense and deep healing work to ensure I’m now able to give the best to them as well.
Or I’ll be able to give my best… when it’s time. 😅