Empty out before You Go

June 1, 2016

“I want to break myself in and wear myself out.”

This quote by Sheena Sharma is one that you’re either going to love or be totally turned off by. Which I can see, because “break myself in and wear myself out,” that sounds kind of exhausting, right? But the truth is, words are just words. And while words carry real, tangible energy that have the power to impact our lives, we are the ones who put the vibration and intention behind them. Nothing and no one else.

So when I read this quote, my whole heart flooded with a big YES.

I want to break myself in and wear myself out. I want the Universe, God, Source, or Spirit to use me up and spit me out in service of my purpose. I want to live this life as fully and completely as possible. To learn and love and grow by pushing my edges, time and time again. And I want to empty myself out completely before I go… with my words, my work, my truth.

When I leave this realm, I want to know that I gave all of me to the ones I love, to the work I’m called to do, and to living life fully expressed.

I want to know that I was as courageous and bold as is possible.
That I wasn’t afraid of saying and living what was true for me.
That I never shied away from loving fully out of fear of getting hurt.
That I didn’t avoid amazing experiences out of fear or discomfort.

I want to break myself in.

To know that I did the deep work and faced the most challenging parts of life with  full presence, cracking myself open, time and time again. That I let people break my heart with more intensity each time, because I was brave enough to love them with every bone in my body, every cell in my being, every inch of my heart and soul.

I want to know that I sank into the deepest depths of the hardest kinds of grief, because I was willing to be honest about the parts that hurt and the losses that shake us to our core. I want to rise up from the ashes of the aftermaths we endure in this life with so much fierceness and gratitude, because I was willing to let it all burn to the ground. That I was willing to release my grip and settle into surrender, no matter how uncomfortable I got.

I want to wear myself out.

To know that I left everything there was to say on the page. On the canvas. In the hearts and ears of those who show up to share this journey with me. That I passed on all the wisdom and mistakes and knowledge I have to give to the ones who are called to listen. I want to know that when I leave, I’m leaving empty, void of regret, and unburdened by words unspoken. To know that I gave every last piece of me to the work, my people, the world.

I want to know that I contributed in the ways that only I can. That I never let my gifts grow dusty on the shelf, because I was too afraid to step it up when life asked me to. That I never left my stories untold, because I was too afraid to tell them out loud. I want to know that I experienced as much as I possibly could in this beautiful world, because I wasn’t afraid to take risks or prioritize what really matters.

I want to be used up.

In service of my purpose. In service of those I’m here to serve and love and support. In service of something far greater than I may ever know in this lifetime. I do not want to simply exist, to simply make money and own things… I want to lay my life down in service of that greater vision. That greater energy and entity that is far wiser than I will ever be in this human form. I want to know that I gave my all to everything and everyone, that I never half assed it or cut corners, because it was “easier” or more “comfortable” to do so. I want to know that my one little life mattered, not just in a big, global way, but in the every day interactions with the beautiful souls who share this space.

This is my prayer to the Universe.
This is the mantra that resonates in my bones.
This is the truth that tugs at my purpose driven heart.

For years, this prayer resounded in my heart and soul, though I had no idea what my work was. I had no idea who I was for that matter.

I just knew that I was here for more and that I wanted nothing more than to give back. To serve. To lead. To teach. I wanted to create something that mattered, even though I wasn’t sure any of it did.

If a similar prayer resonates in your bones, know that the Universe is listening. God, Source, Infinite Wisdom. The law of polarity states that everything in this world has an opposite… everything we desire is already here. Which means that if your heart beats this prayer out into the Universe with every waking moment, every breath, every step… you have work to do.

You are here to contribute.
In service of something far greater than you know.

You are here to empty out.
In service of the sweet souls who need you most.

You are here to break yourself in.
In service of growing into the person you’re here to be.

And with every breath, step, beat of our hearts… we are waiting for you. For your words, you work, your truth, your presence. We are desperate for the contribution only you can make. For you to leave your mark. For you to tell your story. To share your heart and soul with us.

So even if you don’t know what that means, know that if your heart is aching for it, you’re already being led. I’ll be the first to admit that it took longer than I wanted it to… because it had to. Because I had to go through all the things I went through first. Life was the greatest training and education I could ever have been given to become the person I’m here to be. It still is. Every day I deepen into my truth, into my work. Every day I push my edges in new and uncomfortable ways. Every day I’m guided to another piece of the puzzle that is my calling.

So be patient.
Sit in prayer with your heart.
Listen for the signs.
Trust the journey.
And know that we’re waiting.

You may also like
Numbness Never Solves Anything
Rebirth Always Comes