Belonging, Fitting In, and Finding Your Place

January 16, 2019

I don’t care about finding belonging.

There was a time I did.
A time where I fought like hell to feel ‘chosen’.
When ‘belonging’ was all that mattered.
And ‘fitting in’ seemed so important.

But I’ve found there’s a price to be paid with belonging more often than not (as in, finding my exact place and role in the world, relationships, and communities)… there’s no room for growth and innovation. There’s no space for uncomfortable conversations and challenging heart work. There’s no realness or catalysts for change and transformation.

I don’t think the goal is to belong.
I think it’s simply to show up and connect.
To feel seen, heard, and witnessed.

To be who you are, seeking that which matters most to you. To be clear on your contribution, doing the work to bring your visions, callings, and dreams to life. To live your legacy and leave your mark. To be wholeheartedly committed to actualizing on who you’re here to be. To be witnessed for all that you are in each and every moment. To feel deeply connected in ways that truly matter.

While we’re on our path, we’ll be graced with the presence of sweet souls. Sometimes for a moment in time, sometimes for a long while. But we never really ‘belong’ in any one place or space when we’re truly committed to growth. We’re simply passing through. Sometimes our pace aligns with others, oftentimes it doesn’t. At least not forever.

This has brought me so much peace.

Don’t get me wrong, I am fiercely committed to the ones I love. Fiercely. And I love them with my whole heart and soul. I show up for and with them in ways that make me proud of my own heart, my ability to hold space, and my desire to witness people for exactly who they are.

But I have a level of detachment now.

I’m here wholeheartedly for as long as it’s supportive and nurturing to us both. For as long as our journeys and growth are aligned. But I still let go with love when the time is right. I still embrace the unknown alone, more often than not. I still stay committed to my path, my growth, my purpose, myself… and I encourage that in others. Even if it means leaving me behind in the process. Even if it’s hard.

The goal isn’t to belong to anyone or anything outside yourself.

Some people will journey with us for a lifetime. Many won’t… and that’s okay. It’s not easy or without heartache, but with growth comes outgrowing.

Stop trying to belong, fit in, or find your place.
Just commit to who you are and who you’re becoming.
And show up from that space every single day.

Because when you belong to yourself, you will always have a place. Always. Even as everything around you changes.

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