I’ve been in a lot of conversations lately around relationships and love and how to know when to stay or go. For myself. For my friends. For my sweet tribe members who write in with their own heart centered woes.
I’ve got some really, super-duper smart friends.
I mean, holy-whoa do these people make me rethink everything.
It’s awesome. Especially when they drop some wisdom bombs rooted in research and all-wise knowings that make me stop and think about things in a compeltely different light. When, with a single question or simple statement, they make me question everything I thought I ever knew about myself and my life.
But sometimes… it’s not that simple.
Sometimes those wisdom-bombs are pretty and poised, insightful and all-knowing, and yet incredibly broad and unrelated to where we’re at.
As people learn and grow, they pick up insights and information. When these insights have an impact in their life or health or love or wealth, they root deeply inside their hearts as law. And for them, that law is aligned, because it resonates. It makes sense. It worked, and continues to work, for them.
But their laws, no matter how deeply rooted in the all-knowing wisdom of the researchers and scholars and wise beings that penned them, don’t always align for me.
And they likely don’t always align for you either.
Sometimes we decide that they don’t align because that’s more comfortable. Because it would be too much to face into that truth and do the work of unraveling everything we thought we ever knew to be true about ourselves and our lives. Sometimes we just aren’t ready to grok them fully in our being.
That, unfortunately, is the case more often than not.
But sometimes… it’s just not. that. simple.
It’s not black and white.
Far from a textbook case.
Completely inapplicable to our situation.
The trick is knowing, for yourself, that this is the case.
Knowing, in your bones, that this wisdom isn’t aligned.
Trusting, in your heart, that you know what’s true for you.
That isn’t easy.
As I’ve ventured into these conversations around love, listening to wisdom around patterns and attachment styles and all the interesting insights… the words stopped landing. They didn’t feel true in my heart. Because they were being pointed at me with a level of disconnection I couldn’t ignore. With a belief that “this is what smart people say is true, and so this is what’s happening for you.”
But maybe that’s not what was happening.
Maybe my heart knows better than those textbooks.
Maybe my evolution and growth looks a whole lot different.
Not always, but sometimes.
And this time, I know.
I know that it’s not black and white.
It’s not solvable with the simple wisdom.
It’s not another “textbook case” wrapped up neatly with a bow.
Sometimes what’s true for you is simply not true for others.
Sometimes what’s aligned for the masses is simple not aligned for you.
You’re the only person who will know what’s truly aligned.
They key is sensing whether or not you know it in your bones… feeling the vibration of what’s true for you in every cell of your being. Or if you “know” it in your mind, convincing yourself from a space of avoidance and fear. Hiding from the work that’s showing up for you to do.
And again… that’s not easy.
But just remember, it’s not always that simple.