Some Battles Aren’t Worth Fighting

March 21, 2018

“I just want to call him and scream,” I said to one of my best friends through tears. It was well over a year ago and I was reeling after someone crossed another clearly set boundary with zero consideration for my feelings.

“What do you want to accomplish by doing that,” he asked in all his wisdom.

“I just want him to understand how I feel…” I replied.

“Right. And you’re not going to get that, so why go through with calling when you’ll feel worse because he’s not going to understand?”

Ah, yes.


Some battles aren’t worth fighting.
Some battles are everything.

In recent years I’ve been learning how to be more discerning between when it makes sense to give my all and go after what I want or need… and when it’s better, necessary, and healthier to just let it go. To say, “This isn’t worth the energy I’m giving, and I’m going to find a better, easier, more aligned way.”

Fighting… it’s a word I know well.
And one I choose to use carefully.

I fought like hell to find my footing in the aftermath of my loss. I fought to reclaim my life, my brain, and my business. I clawed my way back from a grief that turned me inside out and left bumps and bruises on my soul. My healing was a fight for a very long time. I know saying that doesn’t sound pretty or inspiring… because it wasn’t. It was the hardest, messiest, most gut wrenching fight of my life, and it took everything I had to get through to the other side.

But it was worth the fight.
The fight was all things necessary.

Lately, though, I’ve been reminded of another kind of fight.

The fight to be heard and seen and understood. More than that, the fight to have a voice that isn’t just heard, but is also respected, honored, and cherished.

Truth be told, I’m no longer interested in fighting to be understood by people who aren’t able to hear me. There’s a special kind of heartache that comes with wanting to be heard by someone who simply doesn’t have the capacity (and likely never will). A special kind of angst that comes from knowing you’ll never really be able to speak your truth to them.

Relationships take work, yes.
They present challenges, absolutely.
They’re opportunities to grow, most definitely.

But they shouldn’t be a constant fight.
Any of them. Romantic, family, business, or friends.

They shouldn’t feel endlessly unproductive.
They shouldn’t drain your heart and soul.


Some battles aren’t worth fighting.
Some battles are everything.

You get to choose.

I’m talking about relationships today, but this applies to everything. Building a business, creating big changes in your life or health or finances, and stepping into new ways of being… They’re all challenging and soul stretching at times.

Life is full of opportunities to go after what you want. Sometimes that’s fun and seamless and graceful, and sometimes it’s a fight. Sometimes it’s so far from easy you don’t always remember why you started. Sometimes it requires us to walk through a painstaking process that shapes us into who we need to be FIRST, in order to then create what we desire. Sometimes the fight is essential.

Sometimes, however, the wall you keep banging your head against is there so that you’ll learn how to finally turn and walk in a completely different direction. So you’ll have the opportunity to understand what’s truly worth the time and effort, and what needs to be released. Sometimes spiritual growth looks like leaving, letting go, and choosing something new.


Some battles aren’t worth fighting.
Some battles are everything.

You get to choose.

Hugs and love, xo

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