The Moments That Steal Us from Ourselves

August 13, 2019

The hardest part of these journeys we walk are the moments that steal us from ourselves. The moments where a line is drawn in the sands of time, forever separating the life and self we once knew from the person we’re going to become and the new path we’re now forced to walk.

There’s a certain knowing in the eyes of people who’ve been utterly humbled by living, loving, and losing in this life… a certain calm, a certain grief, and a certain wisdom… because you’re awake now. There’s no more ignorance is bliss. No more distance between you and the horrors of this world. No more ‘bad things happen to other people’, you are one of those people now.

You’ve broken.
Broken open, yes.
But broken nonetheless.

There’s no going back from these moments.

No resiliency in the normal sense of the word, because there’s no ‘bouncing back’ to ‘where you stood before’ when the ground shifts beneath your feet, tipping you over and turning your life inside out. The person who stood there in the before is gone now, with many pieces never to be found or reclaimed again.

You are altered.
You are changed.
You are different.

Sometimes I still grieve the girl who woke up so innocent and hopeful one sunny December day, thinking she knew what her life would be like in the days that followed. Totally unaware that everything was about to change. That the ground beneath her was about to give out in a irreparable way.

While I still grieve the love, the loss, the life I had to leave behind… I wouldn’t want to be anywhere other than where I am today. Truly.

Yet, I will also never share that truth or gratitude without a heap of heartache as I break open a little further. As I grieve a little more deeply. As I let go of who I was and the life I had before a little more completely.

These lives we lead are meant to shape us. It’s horrible and heartbreaking at times, but it’s beautiful and breathtaking too.

Embrace it.
Feel it all fully.
Surrender to the process.
Let it break you open.

You are simply becoming.

You are simply moving into what comes next.
Growing, changing, breaking open into a whole new you.
And you are strong enough to navigate this, I promise you that.

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