The hardest part of these journeys we walk are the moments that steal us from ourselves. The moments where a line is drawn in the sands of time, forever separating the life and self we once knew from the person we’re going to become and the new path we’re now forced to walk.
There’s a certain knowing in the eyes of people who’ve been utterly humbled by living, loving, and losing in this life… a certain calm, grief, and wisdom… because you’re awake now. There’s no more ignorance is bliss. No more distance between you and the horrors of this world. No more “bad things happen to other people.” You are one of those people now.
Broken open, yes.
But broken nonetheless.
There’s no going back from these moments.
No resiliency in the normal sense of the word, because there’s no “bouncing back” to where you stood before the ground shifted beneath your feet. The you from before is gone now, with many pieces never to be found or reclaimed again.
You are altered.
You are changed.
You are different.
Sometimes I still grieve the girl who woke up so innocent and hopeful one sunny December day, thinking she knew what her life would be like in the days that followed. Totally unaware that everything was about to change. That the ground beneath her was about to give out in an irreparable way.
While I still grieve the love, loss, and life I had to leave behind… I wouldn’t want to be anywhere other than where I am now. Truly.
These lives we lead are meant to shape us. It’s horrible and heartbreaking at times, but it’s beautiful and breathtaking too.
Feel it all fully.
Surrender to the process.
Let it break you open.