Using the same words doesn’t equate to meaning or wanting the same things.
It just means you’re using the same words to describe entirely different experiences, intentions, energies, and desires.
We can use the same words and mean different things when our values, thinking, and beliefs are different. When the context from which these things are rooted varies wildly in ways that aren’t always obvious.
Context is king.
It’s the frame, lens, and worldview through which we process information, make decisions, and operate with everyone and everything around us. It’s hugely necessary for understanding others, ourselves, and making sense of our experiences.
If you say you want something and act in another way, it’s easy to assume you’re dishonest, avoidant, or wholly incompetent. Maybe that’s true (it certainly can be in many situations). Or perhaps you’re showing me your context and how different it is from mine. We either have to create shared context, or we have to acknowledge that using the same words isn’t enough to co-create anything productive or mutually fulfilling and beneficial.
Context is king, yet so many don’t even stop and consider their own lens and framing, let alone anyone else’s.
Something I’ve been guilty of at times too.
What do you desire to create in your life, work, or relationships, and what is the context from which you define that? Most importantly, is that context aligned or compatible with the context of the other people at play in your situation?
If not, how will you create shared context?
Or is it time to acknowledge you’re not on the same page, aren’t likely to be, and begin focusing on what’s right for you?