What If You Stopped Participating?

October 22, 2016


There’s been an ongoing issue with someone I love, for some time now. It’s okay for awhile… and next thing I know, we’re back in the middle of this argument and battle and fight. Over and over and over again.

Until one day not long ago, when I decided to stop participating.

This is someone who’s going to be in my life.
The “issue” is not going away, and it’s not negotiable.
And, frankly, I was really sick of arguing about it.

So I stopped.

I smile. I send love. I acknowledge the frustration.
But I stepped back and out of the cycle.

I watch as they spin out, and I simply wait with love for them to come back out of it. I focus on myself and what makes me happy. I work on my projects. I invest in what matters.

Even though this “fight” is still happening, it’s not happening with me in the mix, which means it’s not draining me. Because…

I’m no longer investing in this cycle.

I’m not interested in having the same fight. I’m not interested in feeling mad or sad or frustrated about something that isn’t going to change. And I’m not interested in giving time or energy to it.

Even if the other person chooses to.
Even if it’s going to keep on happening.
Even if they try to bring me into it.

Can I tell you something about this choice?
It’s incredibly, powerfully freeing.

I’ve never felt so amazing and loving in the midst of a fight or disagreement. I’ve never felt so solid in my footing, rooted in compassion and patience, within a container of conflict.


This last year and a half has taught me unbelievable lessons in the power behind that simple word. I always knew we had a choice… for the big things anyways. We had a choice to stop being a victim and to letting life happen to us. We had a choice in whether we stayed in situations that sucked. And we had a choice in how we responded to what showed up in our life.

I knew that early on.
I owned that to the best of my ability for many years.
But choice has more layers than meets the eye.

Every single pattern, belief, habit, emotion, frustration, fear, hatred, and joy is birthed through choice. It continues through choice. Even if we have no idea what the hell is going on within us or in those around us… it’s a choice to stay in the unknown. It’s a choice to remain ignorant.

So if you’re tired of that one fight or battle or frustration… if you’re tired of the pattern and cycles that feel like they never end… and even if you’re tired of the other person who continues to go there, over and over and over again… I invite you to choose something new.

Even if that’s as simple as no longer participating. And no, I didn’t say this was an easy choice, but it’s still a choice we have the power to make.

So, just think about it…
What if you stopped participating?

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