You Don’t Have to Tolerate What’s Harmful to Your Heart

June 3, 2021

It’s not your responsibility to make someone else more comfortable after they hurt you.

It’s not your job to “feel better” on their timeline because they think you should, they’re sorry, or they’re trying to be better.

It’s not on you to make the situation right, educate them on what went wrong, or do the work to make things good again.

It’s only on you to feel and heal.

To take care of your needs.
To set boundaries where you’re able.
To speak your truth and honor your heart.

You can feel for the other person, but you don’t have to take it on. You also don’t have to be responsible for leading the repair; it’s not on you to rebuild the trust or heal the things they’ve damaged.

Just because someone lacks skill doesn’t make it your job. Sometimes they meet us in the process, and it’s productive and worthwhile to take the lead. And sometimes, we have to recognize this unhealthy dynamic comes at too great a cost.


Trust your truth and value your needs. You don’t have to tolerate what’s harmful to your heart simply because someone means well or doesn’t have skill. You can be understanding without making excuses on their behalf, and you can stay open and loving while setting firm boundaries.

Put yourself first because someone has to.

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