2021 was a beautiful year.
It taught me so much more than any prior year.
Which is saying a lot, considering everything pervious years entailed.
Those who know me know well that this year was also a huge struggle in many ways. But the gifts of those struggles were so fruitful that it’s hard to feel any of the frustration anymore. I’m grateful for every single bump this year brought.
I feel like there are seasons in life that prepare us for what’s next.
This was a big one for me.
This year, the Universe found ways to sit my ass down until I learned the lessons I needed to learn. From the second that I chose myself and honored what wasn’t serving me in really big ways, the Universe said, “okay girlfriend, let’s do this work for real!” And I did. I did some of the most important work of my life this year.
As we ring farewell to 2021, I want to share some of those top lessons…
I raised my self-worth.
I mean really, deeply, truly raised it at levels I’ve never touched in all my 37 years. Breaking up with the man I thought I would marry (only to realize it was just a painful trauma bond) and watching him move right along within weeks ripped me open. I’m so glad I trusted my heart when this happened. Everyone around me said what I was feeling was just normal jealousy or that maybe I still wanted to be with him, etc. And yet, I knew none of that was true. I knew what was happening was related to much deeper core wounding, had absolutely nothing to do with him or what he was choosing to do with his life, and that if I could take the time to be with and understand my experience fully, I could finally be free.
Discernment is everything, friends.
I’m so glad I didn’t listen to anyone else and that I trusted myself enough to deepen into my healing and growth work around what I believed was happening. I’ve walked through many fires on the path to healing since my loss, but nothing like this. I let myself burn in the truth of my low self-worth, began owning every shadow there was to own around it, and started actively processing on a near-daily basis. And I was right. True freedom came, and I now feel completely worthy and deserving of so much better in all areas of my life (and in all my relationships).
I expanded immensely.
I had incredible new experiences and adventures this year with insanely special humans (many of whom I believe came into my life simply to expand my subconscious beliefs around what’s possible for me).
I’ve never before felt so sure that what I want is possible.
I found so much expansion in the relationships and experiences I’ve had this year, but also through other people doing incredible things in the world. Every time a new piece of clarity dropped in for what I want, I’d come across someone (or several someones) doing something like it. When we can find examples like this, it helps our subconscious welcome the idea of it and expands or sense of possibility.
Experiencing so much expansion helped me heal the areas where I still unconsciously thought to myself, “but not me.” Other people can do it, but not me. Other people’s businesses can thrive with that model, but not mine. Other people can live that lifestyle, but not me. Other people can show up fully expressed and be celebrated for it, but not me. Instead, the more expanded I became, the more inspired I was to say, “why not me?!” before putting serious plans in motion.
I passed a lot of tests.
This year was about so much growth, and I learned to see some people and things for the tests they are. Tests are opportunities for us to step into high self-worth and continually reinforce our desires, standards, and sense of deservingness to the Universe. “Failing” them just means we have more internal work to do and delays the things we desire. They’re also a chance for us to build up our trust muscle, which is critical for going to the next level and calling in all that we desire.
And goodness, I had a lot of tests this year.
I failed some, at first. But I got better and better at identifying them. And toward the end of this year, I had two big tests. A knock-down, drag-out fight followed shortly by another trip to the emergency room (no, these aren’t related!) The thing that stood out to me the most with these tests was how unshakable I felt.
They were the perfect things to spin me out, spool up my core wound stories, and sink me back into lower self-worth. But they didn’t. They sucked, don’t get me wrong. But I stood steady. I didn’t let them knock me off center, and I didn’t feel any less worthy or deserving of the things I desire and am calling in. A huge shift from the start of this year when I had very similar experiences take me out!
I started taking myself way more seriously.
I used to take myself, my business, and my goals super seriously, but that’s another thing I’ve realized I lost when grief and trauma tipped me over back in 2014. I still ran a business. I still changed the lives of my coaching clients and we produced beautiful websites and brand strategies. I created and ran new programs, released new products, and even professionally produced a podcast!
Me “not taking myself seriously” still leads to some pretty serious business.
But it’s about living in alignment with my standards, not anyone else’s. I know what level I’m capable of producing at. I know who I want to be in this life and the importance of the work I want to do. Not taking myself seriously came from all the low self-worth that loss, trauma, and toxic relationships solidified. And as I did the work to raise my worth, I started taking myself way more seriously. It feels really amazing to honor myself and my business in this way again.
I received answers to every question I asked.
I spent the majority of this year living inside of big questions and what felt like endless uncertainty—creating as much space as I could for clarity to come in. I felt off-center in so many aspects of my life after how I spent my time and energy over the prior years. Between two unhealthy relationships (personal and professional), much of my focus centered around what other people wanted.
I stepped out of both of those situations earlier this year (not all that far apart from one another), and doing so created a tremendous void in my life.
But it was the best kind of void. There was so much room for me to be with myself, my work, my friends, and my passions again. So much space to feel myself and all the things that weren’t aligned. My entire life came into question, including my business, and I’m so grateful that it did. All the answers I needed came, bit by bit, over the last few of months. I’m grateful that I waited as long as it took.
Because not only did I get the clarity and direction I desired for every area of my life, but I unearthed so much of what’s been standing in the way of what I want. I’ve made new commitments to myself and to so many of the things I lost sight of with loss and trauma all those years ago. And I’m finally prioritizing aspects of my life I’ve never had the strength to settle firmly into before.
I created significant levels of freedom.
“All I keep hearing is a commitment to freedom,” a friend reflected to me one evening. And she was right. Freedom has always been one of my highest values, but there was an unconscious lack of commitment to it. I kept trapping myself over and over again. With old wounding, in misaligned and draining relationships, or repeatedly returning to things that burned me out or brought me down.
I’m stepping into a season that’s filled with so much freedom.
More so than any other season of my life. And this time, not only am I feeling free on an internal, subconscious level, but I have a deep appreciation for and thorough commitment to making the most of the freedom I’ve created in my life and work. I seriously can’t wait to share more about what this means because it’s unbelievably exciting to me (and absolutely terrifying at the same time).
I’m talking less about specifics this year.
Because the specifics aren’t what stand out to me the most.
There were successes and failures across the board.
There were beautiful personal and professional experiences.
There was a lot of expansion and plenty of struggle.
There were notable moments and a handful I’d like to forget.
But I won’t remember those things as much as what this year gave to me on the healing and growth front. The lessons, the gifts, and all the answered questions.
And truth be told, I’ll forever keep many of those specifics close to my heart.
(Though some will be in my next memoir! 😉)
2021 was a year that brought everything to head.
And it’s prepared me so well for this next season of my life.
So, to close, all I have to say is:
Thank you, more please.