Dive Headfirst Into the Depths of What’s Hard and What Hurts
I tend to dive headfirst into the depths of what’s hard and what hurts because numbness never got me anything worth having.
It never protected me like I thought it would.
Instead, it destroyed me slowly over the years.
That doesn’t mean beginning to feel everything fully and face it all was easy. It was gut-wrenchingly hard, which is why many struggle to find the courage to do it.
And now?
It’s still awful and challenging, but I love it. I love being confronted with my stored traumas and unresolved grief so I can clear it. I love unearthing new layers of my winning strategies and subconscious programming to start adopting new beliefs and ways of being. I love releasing what no longer serves me and feeling my worth rise more and more every time I do.
This work is the worst at times, but it’s given me so much more than I ever could have imagined for myself.
So much peace and freedom, purpose and joy.
Right now, I’m in the depths of some residual core wound stories and ways of being, the oldest traumas and beliefs I have. I’ve worked hard on this my entire adult life (especially last summer), so it’s not as gutting, grief-filled, or intense.
But oh my goodness, is it confronting.
De-centering particular people and situations like I never have because it never occurred to me that I could or should. Untangling from specific systems that have been at play in my life for far too long, causing so much damage and impact to my health and happiness. Putting myself first in ways that allow me to stop working so hard for love, safety, and security while also demanding better from those around me. Not fighting to be seen and heard while releasing anyone who believes they deserve access to me at any level without truly factoring in me or my experience. Setting boundaries around what I won’t tolerate immediately after it’s a no for me. Giving myself permission to freely express and explore in ways I haven’t allowed myself to do in the past.
The specifics of this period are so wildly transformational and raw.
I’m beginning to live out the ending of my next book, and it’s quite a powerful experience. I can’t wait to share more of the details when it’s time.
