I often get asked what I’m reading right now, or what books have had the biggest impact on my life. So today, I want to share a recent read with you that I can’t recommend enough.
I’ve been reading a ton of David Deida right now, and loving every single word this man has written. I started with The Way of the Superior Man (great read for both men and women), moved on to Intimate Communion, gave Dear Lover a try, and am currently working on Blue Truth. All amazing books!
The one that’s stood out to me the most so far is Intimate Communion. I started reading Deida when my ex and I had split up and I was really starting to work through things on my own. When I read through this book everything just clicked for me on such a deep level that things haven’t been the same since.
The first thing I realized was that I wasn’t just Miss Independent because “that’s the way I am”, I had become so fiercely independent out of necessity from my childhood and past relationships. When I had this realization, I had a massive breakdown and the tears from years of feeling unsupported and totally on my own came flooding out.
One of the core concepts of Deida’s work is masculine and feminine energy, and that in order to have polarity in your relationship, you have to have one person in the masculine, and one in the feminine (we all have both, it’s more about your dominant energy within the relationship). For many of us, myself included, we strive to create a balanced and equal 50/50 relationship. What this means is both partners end up pretty balanced with their own masculine and feminine energies so as not to disrupt the order in the relationship.
This is where a lot of the “meh” feelings we find come from. Lack of passion, spark, polarity, depth, connection, and sense of self. Deida talks about the three kinds of relationships in more detail (the dependant relationship, 50/50, and Intimate Communion) and it’s fascinating. I could see myself in each one. My first relationship was highly unhealthy and dependent. My second was absolutely a 50/50 setup… and the relationship I just left was also shaping up to be 50/50. Thankfully though, I wasn’t interested in settling for less than I desired, and reading Intimate Communion has laid the foundation for creating a much more fulfilling relationship with the right person.
I’ve learned how important it is to step more fully into our dominant energies in relationships… his masculine and mine feminine. This has meant a lot of big changes on my end, and learning to let a man lead and take care of me have been big pieces of that. I’ll always have my masculine side, after all, it’s what’s allowed me to build the business I have today and is useful in many aspects of my life. But allowing myself to step more fully into my feminine (soft, open, loving, flowing, and expressive) within all my relationships has been amazing.
Learning to stay open to the flow of love has also been a big piece of my healing from past loves. Staying open is hard. But I’m learning to get still and quiet and open my heart energetically when I feel it closing, and that’s made a world of difference. There’s so much more room for growth and opening, but what little I’ve taken away from this book so far has been hugely life changing.
If you’re looking to create more depth, passion and connection in your relationship, I can’t recommend this book highly enough. I’m obsessed with it.
The friend who gave it to me said he had a box of them and he handed them out to everyone… which I thought was odd at first, but I get it now. If I could ship this book off to every person I know in a relationship, I totally would. It’s that good.