“I’m going to ask you a question,” she said, moving to my side. “Are you safe? Not do you feel safe… but in this moment, are you safe?” “Yes,” I exhale after a beat, “I am.” “Trauma puts you in two places at once,” she continued. “Right now and some time in the past. Ask yourself this question all the time, ‘am I safe in this moment?’”.
Trauma blurs the lines between time.
Something I’ve come to know all too well.
Something I understand fully, yet I’m always grateful for the healers, coaches, and guides who know just how impossible that sense of separation can feel when trauma is triggered… and who give me more tools to help navigate my way back to centered.
Because sometimes, despite all the healing and growth… despite all the time that has passed and the distance I’ve put between myself and the ones who hurt me… I still get triggered. The world still starts to spin and my breath still gets short and labored. I can no longer make sense of where I am and what’s safe or real. The terror and anxiety course through every inch of my being. I shake. I cry. I hold myself as close to me as I can.
Chances are, I’m actually 100% safe.
I may even know intellectually that I am.
But the body moves at its own pace.
Finding healing and certainty in its own time.
Releasing old trauma and moving it through.
Trauma may appear irrational, like an overreaction, and entirely random… but it’s very real for the person experiencing it. It’s not anxiety about possible bad things that may happen, it’s residual from the things that already did. So many of us have trauma, and far too many don’t know when they’re having a traumatic response… because we don’t talk about it enough. We don’t share our stories and make room to support one another’s healing.
Healing takes time and safe spaces.
It requires understanding and care.
It asks you to feel what needs to be felt.
To move it through and out.
Be patient with yourself.
You’re getting there, even if it feels like you’re not. 💕