My body never betrayed me.
Not with the PTSD.
Not with the debilitating panic attacks.
Not with the inability to swallow.
Not with the crippling hip and back pain.
Not with the ways it would always shut down.
I betrayed my body.
That was all me.
I betrayed my body by not honoring my truth or trusting my intuition when it screamed endlessly at me. By tolerating the intolerable for far longer than is imaginable. I betrayed my body by forcing it to store all the heartache and the pain, the trauma and the abuse. By lying to myself about what I really wanted and settling for far less than I desired or deserved.
The truth is, my body held strong for much longer than it should have. It did its best to keep me upright and functional for as long as it possibly could. Until it couldn’t anymore. Until I’d run on the fumes of the aftermath for far longer than was sustainable.
I’m grateful for the ways my body ‘failed’ me.
Because it forced me to slow down.
It asked me to face into all the ways of being that had been damaging to my soul. To feel all the unresolved feelings and hear all the unheard truths.
It forced me to finally heal.
Really, truly, fully.
It wasn’t easy to navigate those years where it felt like my body and I were at war. Where I had to stop pushing myself forward so that I could finally rest and recover. So that I could finally heal in a way I had never allowed myself to do.
Trauma taught me to honor my body in ways I never realized I needed to.
To listen more carefully.
To honor what it needed, right when it needed it.
To give it the love and care it deserves.
And, most importantly, to heed its wisdom and intuitive knowings.
We’re in partnership with these bodies of ours.
I know it seems like you and your body are one and the same, but you’re not. And the sooner you learn to honor this truth, the stronger and more resilient you will become. Your body is wiser than you, and it’s always communicating… what it wants and needs, what it intuitively picks up on, what’s okay and what’s not.
You just have to start tuning in and trusting it’s wisdom.