I’m grateful for the moments that break me down and bring me to my knees… because they remind me. They remind me that I was never made for this world and I never will be. I am in it, but not of it. I am finding my way and paving my path, but I will never fully belong. I will never truly feel steady and certain of “my place”.
Remembering this used to break my heart. It used to make the choosing to stay damn near impossible. The having to be here downright excruciating.
Now it motivates me.
It drives me forward around what matters most. It brings my attention back to the work and words that live deep inside my heart. The things that wish to be birthed from deep within my soul.
I know I’m not alone in the not belonging.
I hear from people like me all the time.
We aren’t made for this world.
We never were, we never will be.
And that’s okay.
It’s as it should be.
I spent this year learning how to let go on a whole new level. How to start standing on my own two feet in ways I never thought I’d have to, yet always deeply craved. I reorganized my entire life around what matters most to me… and I learned exactly what it takes to call in everything I desire. I learned how resilient I am, and how willing I am to dive into what’s hard and what hurts… all so that I can step into what comes next.
I’m hopeful and excited, terrified and uncertain. I have no idea what I’m doing, yet I’ve never been so sure of anything. Of myself and my work. Of “my place” in this crazy little thing we call life.
Watching 2018 come to a close feels like watching a countdown to launch.
I know what comes next.
And I’ve never been so ready.
Are you? 💕