Getting stuck is a normal part of the process when it comes to living our purpose.
That’s because we’re bumping up against our subconscious programming and, in turn, our deepest fears.
We all carry some fear of failure, success (way more common than you think!), judgment, making mistakes, getting it wrong, putting ourselves out there, and becoming the person we know we’re meant to be.
That’s because we’re used to a certain “set point.”
Meaning, we’re used to a certain level of success (or even failure), a certain amount of income (or lack thereof), a certain amount of joy and fulfillment (or struggle and frustration), and a certain level of being in our lives, careers, and relationships.
Anytime we try to move beyond this set point to make big, exciting, and even impossible things happen for ourselves, our subconscious kicks into gear and does whatever it can to derail us. And one of its favorite things to activate is our deepest fears because it knows that when we’re scared, uncomfortable, or uncertain, we’re more likely to stop going for more. And if we’re not going for more, we’re “safe” in the known, even if that familiarity is painful or we consciously want change.
Fear is a major obstacle for many of us, but once it’s finally been released?
That’s when incredible shifts begin to happen.
Let me give you a few real-life examples…
A while back, a client came to me feeling loads of stress and frustration and a deep, intense urgency to help others create a life of happiness.
She had a sense of what she felt called to do (and plenty of passion, enthusiasm, and energy to boot), but not enough clarity to get a legitimate, profitable, and fulfilling business off the ground. Having recently become unemployed, she figured she’d be able to make things happen quickly but instead found herself feeling overwhelmed from the lack of direction. She had become stuck because she was terrified of moving in the wrong direction or wasting precious time on the wrong thing.
She was paralyzed!
After just one session, we created a clear business focus, narrowed in on the heart of her passions (why she loved what she loved and how to thread all her interests together), and began to build a real, solid business around what she felt called to do. With that clarity (and an understanding of how her fear was cropping up and holding her back), she began moving forward with far more ease and was no longer terrified to put herself and her offerings out there.
Another recent coaching client was extremely unhappy and ready to break free from her 9 – 5 corporate job when we started working together.
She was ready to be her most natural, fully expressed self, doing work that truly lit her up. However, she felt stuck because she didn’t trust herself and was scared to make the leap towards starting her own business.
After just a few weeks of working together—through identifying her winning strategy and learning how to adopt entirely new ways of being in the world—she was able to see her dreams as possible and shift from feeling fearful to feeling the fear and taking action anyway. She’s since quit her day job, has been asked to present to a professional organization on a topic she loves and has since massively scaled her business because she was able to create serious momentum quickly!
Lastly, another client was in a relationship with a really good guy she’d been with for years but wasn’t truly happy or fulfilled in the partnership.
She’d tried to leave him before, but for one reason or another, she’d end up staying or going back to him. It felt like a never-ending cycle she couldn’t break free from.
When we began working together, it became apparent that she was staying out of fear. She was fearful that this guy might be the only guy out there for her despite knowing he wasn’t “the one” and feeling unfulfilled. What if she ended up alone? Through our work together, I helped her release this man from her life and work through the aftermath of an ending relationship with self-care, self-love, and some powerful mindset shifts and subconscious rewiring. We also processed out some of the key subconscious pieces at play that kept her in it for so long.
Since ending her relationship, she’s built an amazing relationship with herself, her business is finally thriving, and she’s finally experiencing true happiness and joy.
Fear is something we all experience, but it doesn’t have to stop or slow us down.
So how can you begin to release your fears and start building a life or business that feels deeply aligned and fulfilling?
1) Identify the fear that’s holding you back.
What specific thought or story goes through your head when you think about doing what you want? And what feeling or series of emotions does that trigger in your body and nervous system? How does fear like to show up for you?
It’s so easy for us to go from feeling a little nervous about taking steps toward what we want to believing we’ll end up alone and homeless. That’s just what fear does.
It’s important to notice what fearful thoughts or circumstances pop into your head when you think about leaving a relationship, starting a business, or making any positive shift in your life. But without judgment!
Remember, we all deal with fear and its favorite stories (aka, lies) as we work to make big life changes and impossible things happen. All of us.
2) Do the work to rewire and re-pattern your fears.
Some fears are random and even ridiculous at times, and some fears are rooted in real, lived experiences. Either past traumas you’ve walked through, events your friends or family have experienced, or things you’ve read about or saw on the news.
Regardless, working on rewiring our subconscious programming and re-pattern our thoughts and beliefs is essential to breaking free and stepping forward.
Fear will always find a way to be there. Always.
That’s just how we’re wired. But if fear paralyzes you, that means there’s something deeper to be processed and released from your body and nervous system. Thinking positive and redirecting your focus or pushing forward and taking actions are all powerful practices that have their place. But the truth is, if we don’t address the root of the fear that keeps us deeply stuck, we will take a step forward while thinking positive thoughts only to freeze or revert as quickly as possible.
Process work is essential to getting yourself in motion.
3) Expand your beliefs about what’s possible.
Finding examples of people who have what we want or have overcome the odds helps expand our subconscious beliefs around what’s possible for us as well, even if what they’ve done is totally different from what we want to do.
This can come from real life, but it can also come from movies and shows. It’s just about getting a point of reference for what’s possible!
When we do this, things start to feel less scary (or the fear is more manageable). That said, you might have to dip into more process work if finding expanders doesn’t do anything but leave you thinking, “they’re special or lucky; I could never do something like that.” This is often anchored in our core wounding and winning strategy, so it takes more than just external inspiration to clear!
Are you ready to release your fears and make massive shifts in your life?
I’m ready to help you.
I’m accepting new one-on-one clients.