“You know,” she laughed, “I’m sure we’ll be having these same conversations when we’re in our 60’s; they’ll just be lighter.”
“Oh, for sure,” I said knowingly.
It’s easy to think we should be done with certain patterns and habitual responses or behaviors (and even easier to believe we’re done and healed after one layer moves). And the truth is, in some moments, we really, truly are.
At least for now, with this layer and level.
But when it comes to our core wounding—those subconscious fears, beliefs, traumas, and strategies developed when we’re itty bitty—we’re never truly free of them. They just show up with less grip and intensity, in different ways at different points in our lives.
We’re more skilled and self-aware, so it becomes easier to see them for what they are and untangle ourselves more quickly. They have less of a hook or torque and heartache. But they still arise.
Far too many people believe they’re done with the work because they’ve had some therapy here or taken a program and read some books there.
But even the mentors and healers I trust immensely to support me have their own mentors and healers and are still finding themselves tangled up in their core stuff.
That’s being human.
That’s healing and growth.
That’s core wounds and winning strategies.
We just get more skilled, have better resources and tools, and stop believing that we’re ever truly “done” and “over it.”
We celebrate and trust in those moments where things feel complete and behind us because, in one sense, they are. And we know better than to feel like a failure or as though we’re “slipping backward” when it rears its head in brand new ways somewhere down the line.
“There I go again” has become a common phrase in my life.
I know my patterns even more so than ever before, so I can spot them when they crop up in those new and different ways.
But that doesn’t always mean I just—POOF!—move past or set them aside. It means I see them, know what’s happening, and know what resources or support systems to lean into and activate so I can find my way to freedom once again. And each new layer of our core stuff that moves opens us up to a new level of freedom too.
We’re never done.
And that’s more than okay.