The Grief in Growth

We think that leveling up will feel wonderful and magical.

We expect that as we raise our worth and claim more of what we desire and deserve it will be joyful and easy.

Sometimes it is.
Often it’s not.

Every time I’ve significantly leveled up and claimed more of my worth, it’s flattened me. Three days laid out on the couch. Several weeks of nonstop crying. Waves of massive grief with nothing specific at the root. It’s gut-wrenching and heavy. Heartbreaking and hard.

Because it cracks us open so we can grow into what’s next. Because we’re leaving behind everyone and everything that doesn’t fully meet us or feel aligned. Because we’re mourning all the times we settled for less or tolerated the intolerable.

There’s nothing easy about this.

But there’s still joy.

There’s still peace and contentment on the other side of grief. A lightness that comes with letting go, even if we’re sad. There’s always more amazingness than we could ever have imagined for ourselves before we leaned in and let ourselves grow, asking and demanding more as we do.

We don’t talk about this part of growth enough.
But that doesn’t mean it’s not a real and normal aspect.

So if you find yourself gutted by the most beautiful new beliefs and ways of seeing yourself and what you deserve or are capable of, it’s okay. It’s exactly as it should be, and nothing’s wrong.

You’re just in the grief of it.

And this, too, will pass.