When I left for New Zealand at the end of last year, I ran into block after block which all seemed to appear out of nowhere, forcing me to be completely disconnected from my life and business.
My computer had to be left behind for repairs, and between four laptops on the trip, there wasn’t one that could handle my software. So, I took it as a sign to unplug completely from both business and social media.
This meant a LOT of time to just be with myself, my thoughts, my feelings, my heart. Inside of all of the “just being,” lots of awarenesses bubbled up that had been brewing just below the surface.
When I left the country, I didn’t realize that all of me wasn’t coming back. I didn’t know there were still pieces left to shake loose, ‘ways of being’ to untangle and release, and spaces where I still wasn’t facing and honoring my truths. I didn’t realize everything would be so deeply different when I landed back in Colorado 16 days after leaving.
But they are.
Different, yet familiar.
Truth be told, a year ago I knew what I wanted to create and what it would take, but I wasn’t ready. I really thought I was, but my body had a different timetable. I’m not too proud to admit that I not only needed last year to pause and rest but to come home to myself… I also needed it to heal and get back on my own two feet after multiple years of relationships that broke me so far open; I wasn’t sure I’d be able to fully come back from them.
I needed my people and my community.
Healing modality after healing modality.
Support, help, friends I could call on.
I needed to be exactly where I was.
Patient, trusting, healing, resting.
The last few month of 2017 were a struggle. I’d reached a point in my journey and with my healing where the same people and things that helped so immensely… didn’t anymore. The same wisdom and guidance that got me back on my feet… isn’t what I wanted or needed. The places and spaces that held me, healed me, helped make me whole… left me feeling empty and drained.
I was reminded, yet again, that sometimes we have to be willing to walk into the unknown alone.
We have to consciously let go of the hands that held us, knowing they may or may not be there when we make it through to the other side. We have to be willing to risk all that’s known and familiar, walking straight into the belly of uncertainty, all so that we can become who we’re here to be. So we can step into what comes next.
“You’re like Indiana Jones,” a favorite said to me. “No one can go through the tunnel of traps and challenges with you.” (He was referencing The Last Crusade if you’re wondering… you know, where he goes to get the cup?)
And it’s true.
I am like Indiana Jones 😉
With all seriousness… it is true. Sometimes our journeys ask us to walk into terrifying unknowns, and we have to go it alone. We have to battle the demons and overcome the obstacles ourselves, and even if someone has walked a similar journey or navigated through a similar obstacle… sometimes their insights and advice are irrelevant unhelpful. Because the work is ours to do and ours alone. Because only we know what’s best for ourselves. No one else.
I’ve made some of the biggest and best changes in my life inside this space. It’s lonely and hard and everything amazing… while it may feel like it’s breaking you, remember that you’re breaking OPEN, and in openness we are able to grow, change, and become.
So, open wide and surrender to the unknown.
Be willing to walk it alone if you must, and always remember…
You are braver than you give yourself credit for.
Hugs and love, xo