Want What You Really Want (and Stop Wanting What You Don’t Want)

June 3, 2014

There’s something I’ve noticed lately that a lot of people do, myself included, that isn’t in alignment with manifesting amazing things in our lives. Simply put, we act like we don’t want what we really want.

For example, I’ve been training for my October half marathon for the last 3 months, just working up to my 5K last weekend. I’ve gone around saying “Oh, I just want to finish my half, I don’t care if I have to take some walk breaks!” When really, I want to finish my half without walking.

We downplay our true desires out of fear and the uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability. Because, what if we don’t do what we set out to do? What if I proudly proclaim I want to run all 13.1 miles in October, and then I don’t? Then I’m faced with failure of reaching my goal and, you know what, that’s going to feel pretty sucky if it happens. But you know what would be worse? Excusing myself from going after what I really want and not pushing myself to create what I desire simply because I’m afraid to admit what I really, truly want.

We all do this. In relationships, careers, businesses and any other goals or experiences that really matter to us. Because being let down sucks… letting ourselves down, having to own up to that publicly, it all sucks. But it doesn’t suck as much as attracting an outcome we don’t desire because we’re sending out mixed signals to the Universe.


In order to create a life and business you truly love, you have to do the following:

1) Want what you want.

One of my favorite quotes of all time from Gabrielle Bernstein is “be unapologetic about your desires.” More simply, just want what you want. All of it, even the scary, hard to admit parts. Don’t downplay any aspect of what you desire, just own it. If you not only want to write a novel, but have it be on the New York Time’s Best Seller list, own it. Don’t say you’d “be happy just to be published.” If you want an amazing relationship with a truly phenomenal partner, own it. Don’t say you’d “be happy if he just had a good job and was romantic.” Want all of what you want and own every bit of it.

2) Settle into the uncomfortable energy that comes with it.

Wanting what you want is scary, believe me I know. Admitting you want something means putting yourself out there and on the line. You could fail or miss the mark completely. You could proudly shout it from the rooftops for weeks, only to have to admit you didn’t succeed down the road. But you know what? At least you’ll know you did all you could to create alignment with the Universe and what you want. And more importantly, you can still go after it whether or not you succeed this time around. Wanting what we want keeps us from settling for less or giving up when we fail. Because even if you fail, even if I have to walk during my half, we’ve still clearly declared what we want and can continue to work towards it for as long as we desire. Wanting what you want creates strong clarity and vision, and clarity and vision make manifesting our desires into reality far easier.

3) Let fear guide you, not keep you small.

It’s scary, oh so scary. But fear should never be looked at as a reason to stop. Fear doesn’t mean “no” from your intuition. Unless you know in your bones something isn’t right for you, or that proceeding to go after it would cause you some kind of harm worthy of fear, usually fear is guiding us towards what we need next. To push ourselves to new limits, grow, stretch, fail, learn and eventually succeed. Let fear guide you rather than be the reason you hold back from going after what you want. With vulnerability comes fear, but the further we step into fear and let it lead us, the more resilient we become… and the sooner we manifest our goals and visions into reality.

4) Stop wanting what you don’t really want.

This is so huge and so often overlooked. Sometimes we get scared, distracted or mislead by others and we turn our attention away from what we really want to pour it into what we don’t want. Take a look at all the things you claim you want in your life and get really honest. What do you really, actually, at a soul level desire, in your life? What are you only working towards because you think you should, it feels easier, it’s less scary, more comfortable, or it’s expected of you? Stop wanting the things you don’t really want. Redirect your time, attention and energy into things you do want. This will bring up a whole new set of fear and uncomfortable feelings, but the longer you put energy into things you don’t want, the longer it will take for you to really experience joy and fulfillment. Honesty is the first step!

Take action now!

First and foremost, take a look at what you’re working towards and get clear on what you actually, truly desire in your life right now. Second, get honest and make a clear statement of intent for what you want in that situation. No halfsies, settling,  or dimming the bright light of your desires. What do you really want?

You may also like
I Thought It Would Kill Me… Truly