Death and rebirth are disorienting and painful when they come out of nowhere.
But actively choosing death and rebirth is arguably more difficult because you’re actively marching towards it with full awareness of what you’re doing. And because you’re doing so without any ability to know what will come on the other side.
This has been my work right now.
Choosing death and rebirth consciously and continually rather than it just happening or being thrust upon me. Choosing to walk toward it with total terror and discomfort. All while parts of me desperately cling to the known and familiar and try to hold me back.
It’s tearing me apart.
It’s wildly uncomfortable and hard.
And it’s been a beautiful process of becoming who I’ve always known myself to be—who I need to be to bring to life all the things I deeply desire.
But right now, it mostly hurts, and that’s okay. It’s the kind of hurt that comes with untangling and cracking open. The type of heartache that’s to be expected as old parts, beliefs, and ways of being die off. Grieving what is and what was without any real sense of what will become.
Trust and release.
That’s all we can do.