Still, I Will Hold Onto My Joy and Delight

January 1, 2023

I know how to do hard things.

I know how to grieve, face my traumas, and push edges that I will spiral me straight into a panic attack, all so that I can heal. I know how to say goodbye to people I still love and the things I once thought I could never live without. I know how to break my own heart when it’s necessary, and I’ve pieced myself, my life, and my business back together despite it all coming completely undone in ways that felt impossibly overwhelming.

I know how to rise up and come back, how to find myself again inside the chaos, and how to summon fierce and unwavering courage when every bit of me is terrified to the bone. I’ve proven to myself that I’m far more than resilient, that instead of simply “bouncing back” to where I was before, I will elevate myself to new heights in the aftermath of life’s most challenging chapters.

This year is already heavy with grief, yet I walked into it with a new commitment. A promise that this will be a year of boundless joy and fun. That play will weave its way through every season, and I will laugh and smile more than any year before.

I know how to do hard things.

I know how to feel and face what I’m certain I cannot.

I lived through a season that damn near killed me—actually, literally, physically—and I clawed my way back from a darkness that stole me from myself, decimated my business, and destroyed everything good I’d built.

I know how to do hard things, and I know I’ll do a whole lot more in this little life of mine, but I’m also committed to laughing my way through it all. To maintaining the baseline of joy and delight I’ve worked so hard to cultivate these last two years. To dance under the stars and climb all the mountain peaks and clap like a happy seal at all the beautiful and awe-inspiring wonders of this world.

This is a hard life.

A challenging realm to exist in at a time when so much is uncertain and scary to witness.

And still, I will hold onto my joy and delight. Still, I will have the most fun with the people I adore in places I love. Still, I will lean into what calls me and expands my heart, and I will love with everything in me, despite all the inevitable losses that will come.

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