I Love a Good Point of Reference

January 13, 2023

I love a good point of reference.

Places and experiences that show us how much we’ve grown, and in my case, how much I’ve healed.

I knew coming back to Boulder would be a massive reflection of the work I’ve done over the many months since I’ve wandered these particular roads. I knew that being around certain people would highlight just how much I’ve transformed who I am and how I move.

I’ve come so far since last January, the last time I found myself staring at snowy front range peaks and winding through places that hold my most traumatic memories and the people who chose to hurt me. Towns that were the backdrop of my unraveling, the most challenging moments of my life, and those first attempts to piece myself back together.

There are doors I find myself wanting to knock on.

People I want to know that I’m still here, stronger and more aligned than ever, despite their attempts to destroy everything good in my heart and soul. Despite their efforts to beat me down and break my will. I’m still here, and I’m so very happy, healed, and whole.

But the truth is, they don’t matter, and there was never a moment in my healing that was about proving anything to anyone else.

It was always for me, the people I’m here to serve, and the life I feel called to live. It was always about aligning with what and who is right for me and leaving everything else in the past. It was always about leaning into what tugs at my heart and seeing how quickly I can create what I desire when I commit to living these processes I teach wholeheartedly.

And while I’ll never knock on those doors or miss this place that stopped being home long before I left, I’ll always be grateful for every step of the journey. Truly. It was intense and heartbreaking and cracked me clean in two, but it also gave me everything I needed to stand where I am today. To become someone I’m proud of—someone who loves herself, tolerates far less, and is unapologetic about who she is and what she wants.

Onward and upwards, always.

You may also like