I Will Not Lose My Joy

January 10, 2023

I rallied to record a podcast episode for today on how we stay persistent and do hard things since I had so much on my heart to share in real-time after losing both of my cats… and then I realized I didn’t plug in my mic.

Because I have grief brain these days.

My body and nervous system can’t fully orient.

There’s a constant heaviness on my heart.

Sometimes the anxiety in my cells makes me want to crawl out of my skin while screaming at the top of my lungs—a familiar feeling I remember vividly from the days after my ex died.

I’m grieving my little loves big time.

And also, I’m happy.

I’m doing incredible work in my business and with my clients.

I’m opening my heart and feeling excited about unexpected possibilities.

I’m finding new ways to anchor inside my life again.

I’m dreaming and scheming about this year.

I’m healing more every day.

I’m facing forward.

Because at this point on my journey, I really don’t know any other way to be. I refuse to lose my joy and delight, to be pulled away from my purpose and the work of more deeply aligning my life, or to close my heart. I refuse to spiral into stories or lose my trust and faith in a kind and supportive Universe, regardless of what challenges life throws my way.

I worked so hard to lay an unshakable foundation within me last year.

I fought through the frustration and found clarity and peace.

I breathed new life into my lungs and lit a ferocious fire in my heart.

I claimed what I wanted and organized myself and my life around it.

I healed my heart, my body, and my shattered soul.

I raised my standards and my worth.

And after what I walked through and what it took to rebuild myself after loss, trauma, and abuse cracked me clean in two, I will not let it go.

I will feel and fall apart and give myself the gift of grieving.

But I will not lose my joy.

I will not become unsteady in my purpose.

I will not let go of what I fought to reclaim and cultivate.

I will not miss out on the expansive opportunities I called in.

I am decided, and decision is a frequency that makes all the difference in the world.

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