Stop Pretending Everything Is Fine

December 23, 2019

At one point, I could no longer hold it together anymore.

I could no longer pretend that I was “fine” or “good.” Two states I was so far from standing in that I couldn’t even remember what they felt like. 
At a certain point, the only thing I could do was accept that my grief was just too big for me to hide inside my heart any longer.

The pain, the hurt, the heartache, and the anger needed to be felt and expressed.

Grief is unpleasant to witness for most people. 
No one wants to see it, hear about it, or experience it. 

Everyone wants to hear that things are “going well.” It’s just easier for people to handle when we live in a society that never teaches how to process and heal—let alone FEEL—the more challenging emotions. 

But I realized that if I was ever going to truly heal and find a new sense of wholeness… I had to stop pretending that everything was fine. 

Nothing was fine… not after everything I’d been through. Not even close

As I was losing the ground beneath my feet in a way that I’d never experienced before, I had to learn how to ride the waves of grief, every single time they hit me. WITHOUT holding back for the sake of someone else’s comfort. WITHOUT plastering over it with polished positivity. WITHOUT denying any aspect of my experience.

Had I done it any other way, I’m not sure I’d have survived it.

And I certainly wouldn’t be where I am today… happy, aligned, and in love with this little life of mine.

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