I’ve Been Teetering on an Edge

August 30, 2021

Lately, I’ve been teetering on an edge.

Facing forward and feeling wholly rooted in this new season, yet still within reach of all the old ways of being and hooks.

Solid and centered and could easily be swayed back.
Clear and focused, but parts of me haven’t fully gotten on board.
Trusting, free, and at peace, yet achy for the old and released.

It’s disorienting in the most subtle and quiet of ways. A delicate and fragile in-between space that makes me feel like a little seedling freshly planted in the soil. I can take root and begin growing into this next iteration of self, or the winds could just as quickly shift the wrong way, and I’ll be blown back above the ground.

But nothing’s wrong.

This is just part of the process of becoming.

When we level up, we have to anchor into so many new ways of being and beliefs, emptying out anything that no longer serves or supports our growth. And goodness if I haven’t spent the last few months clearing out all that’s old and limiting. Never in my life (which is saying a lot if you’ve read Unravel) have I gone so deep, so quickly, fully focused on finding a level of freedom that was heartbreakingly hard to reach. Releasing people and things I never wanted to live without and beginning to really honor myself in ways that are so much harder than I ever imagined they could be.

Raising our self-worth is, frankly, a bitch.

We think it will be magical and filled with joy, but it’s not.

Sometimes, yes. But mostly, it’s wracked with grief, struggle, and unsteadiness. Grief for what we have to leave behind, and grief for all the times and ways we’ve settled for less than we deserve. Struggle to make sense of our new context and begin operating from it when it would be so much easier to go back to the known and familiar. And the dizzying unsteadiness in every single area of our life as we reorient and reconfigure on the deepest levels.

I’ve been teetering on an edge. Willing that one person to hook me back in, those outdated opportunities to entice me to say yes, and the old habits to take over.

But I’m too far into the growth and becoming. If the winds were just right, there’s a chance I would teeter the wrong way, but I also know it wouldn’t last for long.

I’m too deep into this work, my self-worth and sense of deservingness have elevated enough, and I’m so close to that next-level life I desire to live.

It’s an exhausting space to be in at times, but it’s also exciting.

Because I’m right there, friends.

And when we’re right there on the edge of what’s next, that’s when we most need to continue the things we know how to do to tip ourselves all the way over. It requires a deep level of self-awareness to know exactly how our subconscious is fighting to tilt us back to what’s old and behind us and making constant, conscious choices that keep us grounded and centered where we are.

So if you’re teetering on an edge yourself, I’m with you.

It’s hard and disorienting and all things uncomfortable.

The grief for what we’ve left behind is quieter but still tugging at our hearts, and I know it takes so much intention and energy to keep facing forward.

But we’ve got this.

Nothing is wrong, and we’re so close to what we’ve been working toward.

See it through, recommit as often as you need, and get support when it feels too impossible and overwhelming. It’s going to be worth it in ways we can’t even imagine.

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