I spent the first third of my life bending and folding and making myself small for the sake of someone else’s comfort. Compromising who I was and what I wanted in the name of love, safety, and security. Tucking parts of myself away, dimming my light, and quieting my voice so as not to be ‘too much’. Giving away my power in ways that damn near killed me. Being everything to everyone but myself.
I’ve spent so much of the past two years untangling myself from the relationships, patterns, and ways of being that kept me small. Disengaging from the kinds of conversations that created limitation and stagnation. Stepping out of the spaces that left no room for who I am and who I’m becoming.
And yet, despite all the untangling and unraveling, I continue to uncover ways I keep myself small. Ways I hide out and avoid truly showing up and doing my work in the world. Beliefs that invite fear and exhaustion, that keep me from taking the steps I already know I need to take.
Stepping into who we’re here to be and the work we’re here to is a process. It’s a never ending unfolding that requires an immense amount of trust and faith in yourself, as well as a tremendous level of devotion to see it through no matter how terrifying it feels.
I’ve been sitting quietly for the last several months while a deep knowing brews inside me. A knowing that it’s time. To show up fully. To use my voice and take up more space. To be seen in ways I’ve never allowed for in the past. To devote myself as fully as possible to who I’m becoming and what I’m creating… in a way I never have before. In a way that’s all things necessary for moving to the next level.
I’m deep into this journey and far down my own path… and I still hide out and play small.
It’s par for the course my friends, because growth requires a constant, continuous willingness to call yourself out. To admit where you’re hiding and playing small. To shine light on the places you’re allowing fear and doubt or a desire to stay in what’s known, familiar, and safe to take the wheel.