When Your Body Has Enough and Your Soul Says No More

October 4, 2017

It was about nine months ago when my body forced me to face into some big blocks. Areas where I was choosing to close, hide out, and go silent, rather than speaking up and taking a stand for myself, my needs, and my truth.

I actually stopped being able to swallow, and everything came to a halt as my body demanded full attention and care. Test after test showed no physical issues anywhere (thank goodness), but after nine long days of not eating or drinking, I started asking the people around me for help.

Cranial sacral. Emotional processes. Neurofeedback.
Attachment therapy. Acupressure. Energy work. Coaching.

And boy did we start diving deep, because the ways we feel stress, anxiety, fear, and heartache, they’re never as simple as they appear in the moment. On the surface it seems obvious, doesn’t it? The breakup, the move, the family tension, the strain of work, the financial pressures… you know, life in general.

But it’s never actually that simple, because these emotions have roots that run deep and tangle themselves up inside very old wounds.

The closing and hiding out and not speaking up?
My body had enough and my soul said no more.

So I began the work of looking at all the reasons why I’d started closing in the first place. I started speaking my truth to everyone, everywhere… clearing out the mess of things that never had space to be spoken, and making it known what I felt and desired. I started doing the work to stay fully present and engaged, leading with an open heart as much as possible. I said no, canceled plans and commitments, and created more time and space for myself, even if it meant disappointing the people I loved and cared for.

I went deep into the cracks inside my soul—tending to the many bumps and bruises left by those who no longer walk beside me, as well as by all the times I denied and abandoned myself—to start healing and releasing what caused me to believe it was safer to stay closed.

I’m still doing the work, but I’m writing to you today from a much different space than I was in nine months ago when my body had enough.

Lighter, more peaceful, and more in love with showing up fully than I realized was possible… all because I was forced to stop and listen to what my body was trying to tell me. And because I was willing to immerse myself in the challenging work of facing the parts that were broken so they could finally begin to mend.

Here’s what I know for certain:

It’s safe for us to show up.

With everyone, everywhere.
To speak our truth and be our whole selves.
To set boundaries and hold steady inside them.
To be who we are… messes and scars and all.
To hold space for ourselves, even if no one else can.

It’s safe for us to desire the things we desire.

In every area of our lives.
To ask not just for more, but for better.
To stop settling for less than we desire and deserve.
To play on another level, even if no one else “gets” our vision.
To call in more aligned relationships and experiences.

It’s safe for us to live the lives we want to live.

With the right people, in the ways that make us happiest.
To say no to situations and experiences that bring us down.
To walk away from people and commitments that aren’t aligned.
To only invite in the people and things that energize us.
To commit ourselves fully to what we feel called to create.

It’s safe for us to have an open heart.

To face rejection and hurt without putting up walls.
To love deeply, freely, and with full presence.
To be 100% honest about how we feel, in every situation.
To continue loving openly, even after heartbreak.
To continue opening our arms to others, even after loss.

Its safe for us to have a voice.

To have opinions and preferences.
To ask for what we need.
To own our thoughts and feelings.
To give others a glimpse at all that lives inside us.

You’re a sweet, beautiful, gifted soul…

Promise me you’ll start sharing that with the world. 
Promise me you’ll stay open and loving and fearless. 
Promise me you’ll let your voice be heard.

And if you can’t right now… promise me you’ll keep leaning into the work a little bit more each day. It’s not easy and it takes time. But it’s so, so worth it.

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