“You look so happy lately!”
These days, I’m feeling more grounded than ever before.
Truly at peace and joyful from deep inside my soul, calm and centered in every experience, moving through life with a softness and flow I’ve always desired.
What’s better, I know there’s room for even more expansion because I’m just at the beginning of this particular journey I’m on.
I started this year in a bad place.
I felt raw and vulnerable (physically and emotionally) after a trip to the emergency room triggered old traumas. Deeply stressed, anxious, and unsettled in my inconsistent and undependable relationship. Far from steady as I let go of some serious security I’d had for a few years. Sick, tired, and heavier than I’d ever been due to all the strain on my nervous system and adrenals.
And despite summer kicking off with a sense of relief and reclaiming my joy, I completely bottomed out when all my core wound and self-worth stuff came up.
But these days, I have a certain glow.
A particular energy and presence that comes from the deeper work.
Here’s what I think made all the difference:
1. I’ve worked on my mindset very intentionally.
Mindset is vital when we’re working to shift our way of being in the world. Because I was going through many life transitions (letting go of security, moving, ending my relationship, etc.), I had to work extra hard to maintain a productive mindset.
The way I do this is with something I call Study Mode.
It’s a crucial element in Coaching + Community.
Essentially, I spend the morning free-flow journaling until I feel emptied out. Then I grab one of my favorite books at random (or based on what I’m working through), and flip to a page. I focus on what stands out or read until something does. I often transcribe that passage into my notebook and then journal some more about what it means for what I’m focused on in particular.
It’s been so helpful in managing my mindset over the years!
I also guard my mindset like whoa. I don’t engage with people who want to naysay, and I take space from anyone whose energy brings me down to a level I no longer wish to be at. Meaning I don’t engage in gossip, negativity, or with people who try to project their fears all over me—no matter who they are.
2. I took a “full-court press” approach to healing.
I’ve talked a bunch already about the process work I did this summer, but that’s not all I’ve focused on. I started homeopathic protocols and began working through a year-long self-worth program. I talk to my brilliant friends regularly to get their support and reflections. I also started getting regular bodywork, including weekly massages for a while, and now twice-weekly chiropractic adjustments.
When I bottomed out this summer, it was deeply challenging.
But it was everything I needed to leave a certain level of living behind.
Being well-acquainted with what it takes to heal from challenging chapters and big life transitions, I did what I do best: I threw everything at it. Process work, meditation, acupressure, talking to my friends, taking programs, reading and learning, bodywork, etc., I’ve cleared out more than ever before.
3. I eliminated experiences that brought me down.
I went no contact with the ex indefinitely. I started distancing myself from certain people and friendships. I left groups with an energy that just didn’t feel good or aligned. And I scrubbed away anything that would hook me into old ways of being.
There are no songs, notifications, emails, memories, pictures, or mementos that can take me back to places and people who bring me down.
Never in my life have I been so thorough about closing doors and severing connections. And never in my life have I done something like this from a place of complete self-love and worthiness. It wasn’t out of survival or from a place of hurt; I just realized what people and experiences kept me in a space I didn’t want to be, and I cut them out. As I prepare to move in the coming months, I’ve also expanded this to stuff. Anything that feels like it has old energy is getting purged, even if that means I have to buy all new everything when I get to New Mexico.
It’s really been so healing and freeing.
4. I’ve called in so many expanders.
Expanders are the people and things that show us what’s possible.
Whether that’s someone who has a business and lifestyle we want, people who show us what we can feel and receive in our relationships, or experiences that cause us to feel more expansive, worthy, and deserving—I’ve had so many!
Life has been endlessly expanding me lately.
Every casual dating experience has been hugely expansive.
The support I’m calling in and being offered has been hugely expansive.
All the inspiring entrepreneurs I’ve come across have been hugely expansive.
My conversations with new friends and old have been hugely expansive.
The tests I’ve come up against and passed have been hugely expansive.
Every process and bit of healing has been hugely expansive.
It’s been moment after moment of “thank you, more please!”
This has caused me to feel more joy and peace, with far more trust in the Universe.
5. I’ve raised my self-worth significantly.
There’s a certain knowing in my bones that I’ll never tolerate certain levels again.
I don’t grieve the things I’ve left behind anymore because I know I deserve so much better and that I’ll have it. I don’t have any regrets either because, to get to this level of self-love and worthiness, I had to have those experiences. I had to move through the levels and layers until I was ready to choose more for myself.
Even better, I feel unapologetic about raising my standards.
I’ve never made people wrong for where they’re at; I’ve only ever said it’s not for me. But many people have taken my standards and what I want for myself personally. I don’t feel sorry about it anymore, and I don’t believe I have to make them feel better anymore either. I don’t have to settle or play small or try and survive on crumbs to protect someone’s ego or sense of self. And I don’t.
Things that would have hooked me in don’t anymore.
In fact, some of the things I would have gotten swept up in feel very repulsive to me now because they’re so far beneath where I’ve climbed to. That’s a direct reflection of higher self-worth and not based on my core wounding, deep-seated fears, or subconscious winning strategies.
The repulsion isn’t a judgment; it’s my body saying, “this is a no for us.”
6. I’ve stayed rooted in my feminine.
I dropped into this last summer when I was single, but because I went back to my relationship with a more neutral man, I was forced into my masculine.
As a naturally feminine-oriented person, this was exhausting and frustrating. I actually started feeling “ragefully irritated” about it at times. I’m single again and attracting more masculine and attuned men, and it feels really self-honoring and self-loving because I get to stay in my feminine. Honestly, I feel the repulsion in my body when I’m around neutral men because I know I can’t stay there.
By the way, men and women both possess masculine and feminine qualities.
It’s not “wrong” for a man to be neutral or feminine or a woman to be more masculine; it’s about necessary polarity. Someone neutral or feminine needs the masculine to balance, and both are necessary for a relationship to progress. We have to understand our natural tendency and find someone who balances it; otherwise, we lean in a way that isn’t natural, and that’s just exhausting.
It’s also self-compromising, and that’s something I’ll never do again.
Being with a neutral (or more feminine) man doesn’t work for me because being in my masculine all the time is exhausting and draining.
Even inside my business, I’ve practiced being more fluid and in the flow, surrendering to the unfolding and trusting in the direction of the universe. It’s a huge change and one that feels really good. Staying in my feminine in work, life, and relationships feels so much more aligned for me, and that’s allowed me to tap into more surrendered, sensual, creative, and soft sides of myself all around.
It’s been a lot of work, all at once.
But it’s been worth it in ways I didn’t know it could be.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:
It makes me so excited for what’s to come in this next season of my life.
I’ve never felt more whole and healed or like myself. And while there’s still more work to be done around living fully expressed as who I know I’m here to be, I’ve got such a solid foundation in place.
Spring has been echoing in my mind as the time I’ll really begin to reap the rewards of this year and this chapter of my life. And that makes sense. It will have been one year since all the chaos and unraveling began, but it’s also when I move.
And I’m so excited to move, for so many reasons!
But for now, I’ll continue all this beautiful becoming in my little cocoon.
Grab my free ebook below on how to make impossible things happen in your own life, healing, or relationships! This framework is the crux of all I’ve been doing.