Today I drive to New Mexico.
Me, my two old man cats, my mom and stepdad, and a truck filled with the very few things I still choose to own.
I’m unbelievably happy that this day has finally come.
It was a year and a half ago when I realized I wanted to leave Colorado. I knew in my bones that it was time to go. The valley felt stagnant and depressing, the state as a whole felt full of itself in a way that made me tired, and I was craving new adventures and experiences. I felt like I couldn’t breathe here anymore.
At first I was going to head to Montana (and one day I still will).
But for now, New Mexico called me home and I can’t wait to land there.
This last year truly felt like the longest of my life.
Being somewhere I really didn’t want to live anymore was draining to my spirit, especially an area I only stayed in because of my relationship (which ended two months after I moved into his same neighborhood, ha!) Don’t get me wrong, I had some beautiful adventures and connections these last many months… it just felt like the time to leave would never, ever come, and I would always be here.
And now my time in Colorado is finally over.
Now I’m getting on the road and driving home to New Mexico.
I purged, sold, and donated so much of what I own, reducing my life to zero.
I’m seriously so proud of how thoroughly I went through everything.
That’s because I wanted to leave as much old energy as I can behind, and because my life in New Mexico and beyond will cease to be conventional. I thought long and hard about what I want, and I realized that I couldn’t sign another lease. I couldn’t keep living life the way society and the world tells me I have to. I just can’t do it, and I won’t. I can’t wait to share more of what that means with you soon.
For now, I just want to say goodbye to Colorado, a state I called home for two different chunks of my life.
A state that educated me and launched my career.
A state that gave me the best friends a girl could ever ask for.
A state that held me when my entire life and sense of self unraveled.
A state that taught me how much I love and need nature.
A state where I was pushed in ways I never expected.
A state that witnessed my greatest heartbreaks and grief.
A state where I learned how to stand on my own two feet, more than once.
A state that stole my heart, but that I doubt I’ll ever live in again.
Honestly, as happy as I am to be leaving today, I’m also grieving.
I’m grieving the people I’m leaving behind that I may never see or speak to again for various reasons. I’m grieving the life I thought I’d have that, while I’m grateful to be on a more aligned path now, I sometimes miss. I’m grieving all of the challenges I experienced, the periods of isolation when I was supposed to have people in my corner, and all the things I just couldn’t make work the way I wanted.
I’m endlessly grateful to be where I am today, don’t get me wrong.
I wouldn’t want to be on any other path, and I feel incredible optimistic and excited about this next season of my life and work. But with growth comes grief, and that’s often true of endings as well. It can be happy and wanted and well overdue, and there can still be sadness and grief. But I’m not afraid to say goodbye because…
All goodbyes lead to new hellos.
And I’m anxiously anticipating so many beautiful beginnings and new hellos.
Onward and upward…