When We Don’t Show Up at Our Best

February 28, 2022

When we’re not feeling our best, we don’t show up at our best.

When we don’t show up at our best, other people make decisions about who we are and what’s possible for us.

That’s a truth for them, and they’re entitled to it. I’ve certainly had to make decisions about other people based on how they showed up to protect my heart. But someone else’s story doesn’t have to be a truth for us… because, often, it’s not The Truth. Often, what’s true is that we’re not at our best for whatever reason.

Maybe we’re sick, depressed, or anxious. Maybe life has been taking a toll in ways we just can’t seem to bounce back from or “snap out” of. Maybe we’re acting in toxic and inconsiderate ways because we’re not aware of our trauma and core wounding or defenses that are at play. Maybe we’re angry with the world.

Whatever it is, there’s a reason.

That doesn’t mean it’s an excuse for the harm we may cause.

It just means there’s an explanation. And that explanation, by default, gives us insight and information to fuel our growth and healing.

But we have to do something with that information.

It’s not enough to know that something’s happening that’s causing us to behave in specific ways and feel or experience certain things. It’s not enough to brush things off we’re not happy or okay with because “we did the best we could at the time.”

Sure, we did our best.


Was “our best” what we really wanted to give?
Was “our best” a true reflection of our deepest values and desires?
Was “our best” the way we want to be remembered?
Was “our best” how we want to live our lives?

If the answer is no, it’s not about beating ourselves up.

It was still our best in that moment, after all.

If the answer is no, it’s about making new choices and moving in a new direction. It’s about doing the work to heal what needs healing on the deepest levels so that you can choose entirely new ways of being. It’s about taking actions that align you with who you say you want to be, holding yourself to higher and higher standards without judgment and shame—pushing yourself beyond what’s comfortable so that you can grow into the person you actually want to be.

And as we heal, grow, and become the person we want to be, sometimes we can go back and repair what’s been damaged when we weren’t at our best. Sometimes, though, we can’t fix things. Either because we caused too much damage or because they had no space or compassion to understand our struggles.

Regardless, keep committing to your growth and healing.

Keep committing to showing up better in each experience going forward.

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