I’ve been learning to ask for help.
Deeper levels of support, guidance, and care.
A lifelong lesson, to be sure.
While some will argue with me, moving to the mountains four years ago was one of the best decisions of my life. I needed to be alone to learn to hear myself again. I needed less convenience so I could discover just how capable I am. I needed time away to uncover and integrate some of my most crucial lessons.
I got what I wanted.
I was alone, even inside my relationship. I navigated down dusty back roads and through challenges that taught me just how strong I am. I learned lessons and experienced growth that completely rerouted my life and work.
“I can take care of myself,” I said to a friend recently, “but I don’t want to anymore.”
I want to be in the care of others.
I want to build a support system.
I want to feel like I’m part of a family.
I want a partner to have in my corner.
I want to have helping hands all around.
I can do things alone, and I’ve spent most of my life proving that I’m a strong, independent woman. And while I may have given a plethora of justifiable reasons for this, the truth is that I chose a path of independence to stay safe. That way I wouldn’t owe anyone anything, have it held over my head, or “pay for it” in ways that beat me down and broke my spirit.
Trauma taught me independence, a lesson that’s served me at different points.
Healing continues to teach me that support, care, love, and connection are crucial to living the life I desire to live.
To have it, I have to look at my own way of being, loving, caring, and showing up. I have to become the person who aligns with those support systems and communities. I have to deepen my healing and accelerate my growth. And that, of course, requires asking for help, leaning on the wisdom and guidance of trusted friends, family, mentors, and more.
It’s good to be back in the care of others.
I don’t regret my time away, but I’m ever so grateful to be entering this new season.