Today’s my 37th birthday.
And I’m ever so grateful for the lessons 36 taught me.
I learned that I’m here, and I matter too.
I built trust in myself and the universe in entirely new ways.
I raised my self-worth and sense of deservingness across the board.
I learned that what I thought was love was simply trauma bonding.
I put myself and my joy first, even when it felt overwhelmingly hard.
I went all-in on my healing with endless processing work.
I raised my standards unapologetically.
I started mountain biking, had new adventures, and pushed so many edges.
I stopped working so damn hard at everything.
I did so many beautiful things I’ll continue to hold close to my heart.
This last year of my life was heartbreaking in the best of ways.
It cracked me open to new layers of myself, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.
I’ve spent the last six months diving deep into myself. Sometimes solo, sometimes with sweet souls that helped me expand so rapidly, it left my head spinning. I opened to new experiences and relationship containers that helped me see what’s actually possible for me. And what I now know to be possible is everything I’ve hoped for and so much I never could’ve dreamed of.
36 taught me that anything is possible…
…when you’re willing to unpack what’s been holding you back and keeping you at the same, small level of living.
Wholehearted was the word I chose for 2021.
And while my guiding words tend to be set for each calendar year, they actually often drop in around my birthday. I went into 36 as wholeheartedly as I could. It wasn’t easy in the least, I lacked a tremendous amount of skill and grace at times, and there were periods where it was hard to keep my heart open at all.
And still, I brought wholeheartedness to my growth and healing in every sense of the word, especially after my last relationship ended.
I knew that I had to if I ever wanted to experience more, different, better. I brought wholeheartedness into living my joy, organizing myself around the values I held most highly, and calling in a new level of relationships and support. I brought it to my work, even (and especially in) bringing everything to a halt while I waited for necessary clarity. I sat still with some seriously wholehearted intention.
But I did; I learned that anything really is possible.
Not only is anything possible, but it can show up rapidly when we do the inner work.
And not only can it show up rapidly, but if it’s still not quite aligned with what you desire (or in receiving it, you realize you want something even more aligned), you can say no and call in that next NEXT level of what you want just as quickly.
You just have to keep doing that work to level up.
And you just have to keep aligning with your most worthy and fully-expressed self.
37 is about becoming undeniable.
In myself, living my truth, and especially my work.
Undeniable in the sense that I’m wholly aligned and fully expressed.
Undeniable in a way that magnetizes next-level opportunities and experiences.
Undeniable at a level that disrupts my industry in the ways I feel matter most.
Undeniable in my way of being so that I find more of my right people.
Undeniable in my presence, so it’s clear who I am and what I stand for.
Undeniable in my standards so that the wrong people are repelled.
I was going to go with unapologetic, but that feels like it’s inherent to being undeniable. Showing up as who I’m here to be unapologetically. Doing my work and disrupting the limiting and damaging systems in our world unapologetically. Saying no to what (and who) isn’t for me unapologetically. All of that is how I become undeniable, and becoming undeniable is how I create the changes I’m here to make.
I’m grateful for 36 and for learning to be more wholehearted.
Because you can’t become unapologetically undeniable without bringing all of yourself and your heart into every single thing that you do.
I’m grateful for every heartbreak, every misaligned experience, every painful moment of healing and growth. I’m thankful for the people who listened to me make sense of my experiences along the way and for the people who introduced me to entirely new ways of being in the world. For the expanders and the tests and everyone in between. And I’m immensely grateful for all the ways the Universe held my feet to the fire over the second half of my 36th year
I can’t wait to see what 37 has in store…