Coming home to yourself after grief and trauma is a journey.
Healing your mind, body, and soul is a courageous and exhausting series of steps that stretch your spirit unlike anything else.
I spent so many years just trying to get by and stay upright. Wandering through life in a haze, a shell of a person haunted by horrors that took me years to name out loud. I spent so long trying to piece myself back together and feel like a real, live person again. And even when I thought I was making progress, I was still so far from myself.
It took the right heartbreak at the right moment in a season of stagnation to finally close this chapter of my life for good.
Now, I just feel happy and healthy.
I feel present and fully engaged with the world at levels I didn’t realize I was missing. I’m creating a life that feels more like me than any other iteration or attempt. I’ve healed so thoroughly and deeply that I feel free and at peace with all I’ve walked through. All the mistakes, missteps, and misaligned relationships and experiences. Would it have been better if I had been more whole, healed, and conscious of the situations I was choosing and co-creating, to my own toxicity, self-abuse, and harmful shortcomings? Sure. But we can only be where we can be until we get the support we need and move through our healing in its right time at our right pace.
We have to trust ourselves and our process, surrendering to the timing of our path.
We have to release our grip where it’s needed and take bolder, braver actions when it’s time.
We have to know ourselves and trust in our ability to discern what’s what and when, something no one else can do for us.
We have to be willing to change ourselves, our environment, our relationships, and everything in between if that’s what it takes to find full alignment again.
Grateful for the journey.
Truly and deeply.
I could have done without a lot of it, but I also wouldn’t be where I am if it hadn’t happened how it did. And there’s a sweet, maddening, gut-wrenching gratitude that comes with the knowledge that I wouldn’t be standing where I am right now without all the awful, heartbreaking moments along the way.