You can’t make big, exciting, impossible things happen if you don’t believe you’re worthy and deserving of them.
There’s just no way to bypass this part of the work.
There have been many exciting things I’ve wanted to make happen in my life and business that have sat on my goal lists for years. Every time I go to work on them, I create a new plan and get myself all jazzed up about bringing them to life… only to let them sit on the list with nothing but frustration for not making progress—again.
Sometimes it’s needing to see that it’s not something I actually want.
Sometimes, I need to address a bandwidth issue to make things happen.
And sometimes, it’s that I don’t feel worthy and deserving of what I want.
When we don’t feel worthy and deserving of what we want, we’ll continually self-sabotage in the most “reasonable” of ways.
Work gets demanding, or the kids get sick. Client projects take more time than allotted and have set deadlines to meet. The car breaks down, we’re burnt out and exhausted, or the learning curve is so steep we’re constantly tripped up with confusion and overwhelm. We have to clean and organize before we can focus, but somehow things never seem to get (or stay) clean and organized.
We all have our favorite ways of stopping.
It doesn’t seem like that’s what’s happening because these things are real and tangible obstacles. But they’re also the kinds of things our subconscious knows it can focus our attention on and get us to stop moving forward toward new and scary things. We’ll automatically spin into certain emotional states like overwhelm, burnout, and even depression or anxiety. We’ll make issues larger, more stressful, and more time-consuming than they need to be. We’ll overbook ourselves or get distracted and cause ourselves to fall behind on other things.
A lot of this is because that’s how the subconscious works.
It wants to keep us in the known and familiar and will do whatever it takes.
But it’s not always as simple as our subconscious wants to keep us where we’re comfortable. It’s not simply that automatic mechanism at play.
Sometimes our subconscious leaps into overdrive because we’re unaware that we don’t believe we’re inherently worthy and deserving of the things we want.
We can believe this for a variety of reasons….
Unloving or abusive attachment figures when we’re kids.
Trauma and toxicity that leaves us feeling worthless.
Bad relationships, narcissistic friendships, or awful bosses.
Past failures or times people shamed us for something.
Other people’s fears and projections that seeped into our minds.
Whatever the cause, we don’t value ourselves very highly. And when we don’t value ourselves, we don’t believe we deserve good things in general, let alone the things we want. We think we have to struggle and suffer or that we’re not “cut out” to have them. So our self-sabotage is rooted in keeping us at the level we believe we’re allowed to be at, and that level is often very, very low.
You have to do the work to raise your self-worth.
This requires digging deep into your shadows (the denied parts of yourself), unpacking your subconscious strategies, healing your core wounds, and learning to love yourself for exactly who you are—failures, perceived imperfections, and all.
The first step is awareness.
What are you frequently saying you want but not making happen?
And do you feel deserving of having this thing you desire?
(No judgments or beating yourself up here.)
Book a free consultation with me today if you’re ready to raise your self-worth and make the impossible happen. We’ll decide if working together is a good fit!