It Takes Time to Heal From Heartbreak

January 5, 2022

It takes time to heal from heartbreak.

At least, it takes time when you’re actually willing to face your feelings and sit in the grief for as long as it takes, not avoiding or numbing in any form.

It took me time to see my last relationship for what it was.

An unhealthy enmeshment.

A trauma bond that hooked me hard.

A reflection of my low self-worth after trauma.

Yet, on the other side of the realizations, awarenesses, healing, and forgiveness, I’ve found tremendous peace and a deeper sense of self.

And, as it goes, immense gratitude.

The truth is, my last heartbreak was the hardest of them all because the highs were so damn incredible but the lows were excruciatingly painful, crazy-making, lonely like nothing else, and filled with heaps of anxiety.

But thank goodness for that.

Thank goodness for the ways I was left to take care of myself, for the times that spun me out and broke my trust completely. Thank goodness for the moments that were so maddening and confusing, the ways I felt legitimately insane and questioned my reality. Thank goodness for how it never really took root or grew into a genuine partnership or life together.

Truly—thank goodness for it all.

This gratitude is what we try to rush ahead to when we say, “everything happens for a reason” and “we learned from it.”

The problem is we say it too soon.

We haven’t moved through the gut-wrenching rage and fury of our grief. We haven’t let the sadness and withdrawal devastate us completely. We haven’t cursed their name and battled our demons until it all moves out of our nervous system.

There’s no true gratitude without full grief.

There’s no peace and freedom without feeling fully.

There’s no wholeheartedly stepping forward without dealing with what was.

It takes time to heal from heartbreak, and I’m so grateful that mine happened.

I’m mostly thankful for the skill and willingness I had that allowed it to consume me for as long as it needed to leave my system for good.

I’m addition to peace and gratitude, I feel… indifferent.

It happened how it happened, and it ended how it ended. Things are what they are now, and we’re on wildly different paths (as we should be). It shaped me how it shaped me, and now I’m focused on this next season with so much joy.

Because I did my healing and growth work.

I didn’t bypass, numb, or distract.

I felt it all fully.

I let it devastate me and break me open.

I let it teach me what I needed to learn to create more, different, better.

So if you’re standing in the depths of heartbreak—be it romantic, platonic, or familial—give it time.

Stay present with it all and do your work.

You will come through it.

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