Evolutions Require Becoming Unfamiliar to Ourselves

October 18, 2022

Evolutions aren’t easy.

That’s why most people stay right where they’ve always been.

Evolutions ask us to let go of so much of ourselves and our lives that we aren’t sure we can survive the uncertainty and empty space it creates.

But that’s not the only hard thing.

In the process of becoming, we also become unfamiliar.

To others, causing a lot of discomfort, tension, and loss.

And to ourselves, creating confusion and dis-ease.

Evolution, simply put, is a change in fundamental characteristics. It’s growing beyond what we’ve been to become what’s next—what’s necessary for our expansion and the forward momentum of life.

It’s a beautiful idea… but it’s insanely challenging in practice.

I know this because I’m standing in the middle of the biggest evolution of my life.

I’m actively becoming unfamiliar to myself.

And in the process of revealing all that’s changed internally on an external level, I will become unfamiliar to those around me.

Evolution isn’t possible if we’re unwilling to face our deepest fears.

Fear of failure, abandonment, rejection, and loss. Fear of the unknown, the uncertain, and the uncomfortable moments along the way. Fear of feeling our feelings and facing our unresolved trauma and grief. Fear of change and the terror that comes with sharing our truth.

Inside this phase of my current evolution, I’m afraid.

(Something I’m not at all afraid to admit… 😅)

As aligned as this next iteration feels, it’s also deeply unfamiliar.

I don’t know this next version of myself.

Not like I’ve known the person I’ve been for the last eight years.

And that’s the thing about an evolution that’s forced upon us, as I experienced eight years ago when loss and trauma turned my world inside out: it just… happens, forcing us to evolve and leave behind the known and familiar. It’s not that we don’t experience the fear or uncertainty or unfamiliarity of self; it’s that we don’t have to move ourselves through the process consciously and intentionally. We’re thrust into the next chapter and season and navigate it from there.

Consciously evolving and iterating requires constant choice.

We have to stare down our fears and move despite them.

We have to choose to step forward again and again.

tWe have to do the painstaking work.

We have to reveal ourselves to ourselves and, in turn, the world.

So when it comes to the question of “what are you afraid of?” it’s first about whether or not you will abandon, judge, and reject yourself. Whether or not you will allow time and space for uncertainty and reorienting to who you are now, while releasing and losing the person you were before, along with everything that’s no longer aligned.

This work is exhausting.

Goodness, how I know this to be true.

But it’s also been the most incredible experience of my life. Getting to know my truest, most fully expressed self, and allowing her to lead me forward in every aspect of life and work. It’s been a dream to get to know this new iteration and explore what it looks like to live it out loud. It’s been challenging and confusing and uncomfortable, to be sure! But I wouldn’t trade a second of it for anything that’s come before.

Because the more we lean into the truth of who we are, the more life begins to align and move toward us. The more it begins working with us and bringing forward the most incredible experiences and opportunities.

It’s like magic… except it’s not. It’s just how the universe works.

(We go first and the universe responds.)

Are you willing to become unfamiliar to yourself, friend?

I truly hope that answer is a resounding “HELL YES.”

And if it’s not, I’m always here to support you with the fears and blocks. Contact me any time, and let’s start a conversation about where you’re at and how I might be able to support you (whether that’s a free resource, book, or starting to explore how we can work together.)

My writing has moved to Substack!

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